Missing Heart
by poisonnwine
Summary: "She tries to imagine a life without him; a future without their plans and promises, but the only thing she can see is darkness. Without him, she's lost. She has to find the man who owns her heart, for his sake and her own." When Spencer's husband goes missing, she vows to do everything in her power to find him, but many complications arise along the way. AU. Multichap.—SpencerToby
1. Chapter 1

**a/n: **hello. So in _Hollow Ghost Hearts _I said that I'm torn between two fics? Well, guess what, this is the second fic! I'm not doing both. And i'm honestly leaning more towards this one ~ I have it more outlined and planned and stuff? But yeah... like I did with _Hollow Ghost Hearts_, I just want to see how you feel... (thanks so so so much to all those who reviewed to Hollow Ghost Hearts btw!)

This story will have chapters where it is just the past, and some present time chapters that have flash backs! It's very dark. I'm awful. But this chapter is really fluffy for the most part...

Anyways. Let's see if I will continue! I'm still unsure...so no promises? (But i think i'm more likely to continue this one)

As for _What If The Storm Ends?_ As of right now, that's on hold. I suck. lol.

* * *

**Chapter One**

October 21, 2013

The warm sun haze seeps through the curtains, illuminating their room in a mellow, golden hue. They lie together in bed, both facing each other with yearning stares and falling eyelids. Monday mornings are always torture in this way. It is the first grossing sip of workweek ahead of them. They try to delay it most days, but the forever chirping alarm clock reminds them that their time is limited. Time is always limited.

Her husband presses the snooze button on the annoying alarm clock, smiling lazily at her afterwards. She attempts at a look of disapproval, but it comes out soft and lazy, looking like a pout in the end. "I should shower," she states tiredly. It's the first thing that either of them has said. They always say more with their eyes in the morning than they do their lips. Their voices are still asleep for the first few minutes of every morning. They are too tired to produce any coherent sentences. They understand each other much better without words between them in this early of the day.

"I could come with you," he offers in a low, husky whisper. His hand curls around her waist, dipping into her t-shirt that's really his anyways. His fingers play against her skin like a pianist would play a piano. Gentle, soft, caring. "I could help you reach all the hard-to-reach places," he tempts her, a lusting glint taking charge in his blue orbs as his hand pushes her shirt up more, meeting more of her skin with his touch.

"There's no time for shower sex," she states, an amused smiling parking on her lips.

"You _would _go there."

She grins harder, amusedly shaking her head before trapping one of his legs in between her own. She moves closer to him, her hands coiling around his neck. She is completely clinging to him, her whole entire body finding ways to attach their limbs. She tenderly smiles at him after a long moment, "I have an idea."

"What would that be?"

"We both call in sick."

A bemused grin alters his entire face, crinkles form at his eyes; his eyes grow wide with enthusiasm—more eager for the day. "Really?" he puts forth, a skeptical beat in his words.

"Really." Her voice challenges him.

"That is _completely _uncharacteristic of you. Should I be worried?"

She smiles widely at him, adjusting her hold on him so that her hands are tousling his already bed headed mop of honey locks. She places a longing kiss on his lips, not really caring that both of them have yet to have brushed their teeth. When she looks at him afterwards, she is no longer smiling. Her lips align in a straight line, quivering almost, close to forming a frown. "I miss you," she whispers, her copper eyes gazing at him wistfully.

He frowns at her. "I know. We need to spend time together, but you know we both have responsibilities, Spencer."

She sighs a little, moving her hands downward to caress his cheeks. She never sees her husband anymore. It's not his fault, or hers. Their days at work are never ending. They come home at around eight, and by then, both of them just want to collapse into bed. They have the weekends off, but Toby has been spending those days at the construction sites. They're running low on money, and have been living pay check to pay check for the past four months. It's getting really tight.

But yesterday they finally were able to spend some time together. Some _real _time. It was perfect. They didn't even have to do anything for it to be perfect, just having him with her made it perfect. And after she got a taste of it, she needs more. The serving size is never enough.

She knows that her request is impractical at best, but she just has some weird, overpowering desperation for him. It almost feels like a necessity. Like he is a nutrient or vitamin she needs in order to live a healthy life. She is completely dehydrated from his love, and she needs to be nourished again. She needs more time to retain him.

Their friends, Hanna and Caleb have done it before. That's where she got the idea, actually. Her friends are much more spontaneous than Spencer, of course. They do things like this all the time. But Spencer should be allowed to have her one spontaneous moment in her life. She should be able to have that. And she wants to use that spontaneous moment on Toby.

"Please," she nearly begs.

There is a neediness in her dark eyes—a wretched, glooming, sad gaze, which he could never say no to. "Okay, fine," he nods. "I'll play hooky with you, Spencer Hastings. You have corrupted me."

Her grin grows wild. She has to bite her lip to restrain it from reaching her ears. "Really?" she beams at him.

"I would do anything for you."

She giggles, touching the indent in his chin that matches her own. An ecstatic energy plummets through her, waking her senses and mind. She doesn't need her daily cup of coffee to wake up right now. "I really, _really _love you," she professes, meeting his steady blues.

He smiles. "And I very much love you, too."

They make their separate calls to their work places, both filling guilty for a second, but laughing about it a second after the call drops.

Toby works at an architecture firm. It's pretty big, so most of his hard, beautiful work just ends up going in the trash. They've been talking about Toby becoming an independent architect for some time now. His boss is always ripping off his work, and getting away with it. Toby deserves more. But Toby's reluctant to do it—especially with money tight right now. Spencer knows that it is probably best to wait until they are stable, but she just hates to see all her husband's hard work get conned off by some dick, uncreative narcissist.

Spencer on the other hand loves her boss. She doesn't love the hours so much. But her boss is great, unlike Toby's. She works for a graphic advertising company for wine and other alcoholic drinks. You know the labels on those alcoholic beverages? Yeah, she makes those. She had went to school for graphic design, and still she isn't completely heart set on designing anything particular, but she's happy where she is. She enjoys it, and that's all that truly matters.

After making their calls, they brush their teeth and Spencer makes their bed (something she can't possibly put off—even on a rebellious day like today.) Toby then proceeds to remind her of the shower that they have more than enough time for now. His strong arms encircle her from behind, his lips teasing her neckline as his words flutter out, "help me reach the hard-to-reach places?" he whispers in her ear.

She smirks, feeling the heat rise in her flushed cheeks. She turns around in his hold, pressing her mouth to his in an instant. Her hands grip at the ends off his shirt, pulling it off him quickly with his help. She kisses him with urgency—devouring him, and blending his taste with hers.

The whole thing is done with elegancy, with a certain passion and care that she has had never met with anyone else but Toby. It never feels wrong with Toby. She never feels guilty afterwards, or dirty like she has before with other men. She has never had that feeling with Toby. It's always felt right with him. It's always been more with him, never fucking or hooking up or anything else you would refer to it as. It's always been pure with him. It's always been a beautiful, incredible, lustful vow between the two; a profession of God honest love; proof that they're meant to be.

After a couple rounds of wet, slippery, overly satisfactory love making, the couple sets sail to make pancakes together. They had skipped breakfast that morning—gotten too wound up with each other to hear the obnoxious tumbling and turning of their demanding stomachs. But eventually their stomachs had broken through the soundproof bear cage of their moaning and groaning, and once they heard it, there was no avoiding it.

They had decided to make pancakes due to the fact that they haven't actually had a hot breakfast in probably over six months. Cereal is great and all, but sometimes it just can't hit the spot like a good ol' hotcake can.

Spencer is the one who does mostly everything. She's always been the better cook between the two, which is not surprising in the least to her husband. She's brilliant in absolutely everything.

Toby is a good assistant though. He grabs her ingredients quickly and efficiently, making sure it is all there for his chef master wife.

He sneaks in a package of chocolate chips, smiling timidly at her like a child. She guffaws at him, shaking her head. "Stop looking at me like that. There's no need for it. You really think I need convincing of _chocolate_?" she deadpans. "Do you know me at all?" she teases, stirring the batter, absent mindedly.

He chuckles, placing a chaste kiss on her cheek, which she instantly leans into.

"I could do this every day," he starts. "I wish this was every day life. I wish we could do this more often."

"Play hooky?" she raises an eyebrow at him, slightly smirking. She jokes, but she knows what he is talking about.

"_Be together_." He states, his finger tickles against her wrist, mindlessly. "I thought getting married meant that you got to see the person all the time."

"Me too," she offers thoughtful expression. "Maybe my parents can sue whoever put these ideas in our heads."

Her parents are lawyers. Always very aggressive about everything and anything. They blame the world for all their issues because, well, the Hastings could never be the problematic ones in the situation. They are _perfect. _How could they ever do anything wrong? They are the kind of people, to put it simply, who treat the service at restaurants like slaves.

Toby chuckles at his wife's sardonic comment. "Maybe. Or maybe they can just sue my boss for being such a jackass?" he prompts.

"I'll talk to them about it."

He laughs again, his calloused fingers moving up her forearm. "Can I help at all? I feel entirely useless."

"Wanna make coffee?" she looks at him hopefully, a huge smile placing out on her face.

"Of course. We both know how you can get with your caffeine withdrawals, anyway," his fingers continue to make trails against her arm.

She amusedly scoffs, using the top of her spoon to point him in the chest, "just go make the damn coffee."

He snickers to himself before brewing up a pot.

Soon they are sitting at their small, circular table, pancakes on their plates, and coffee stains on their lips. Spencer is already on her second cup, which prompts a pointed stare from Toby.

"Come on, you know I have to have at least two cups of coffee a day," she says in reply.

He just shakes his head at this, snickering.

The day goes by quickly—too quick. Quicker than either of them prefer.

After breakfast, which was really brunch, Toby does the dishes. ("You made breakfast. It's the least I can do.") Spencer obliges, and goes off to pick out a movie for them to watch. There has been so many movies they have wanted to see, but never got the chance to. But yet, as she goes through the movies on the subscription channels (_HBO, STARZ, CINNEMAX_, etc.) she can't find anything. Toby's always better at this than she is. He has a knack for movie picking, so instead of going forth with her search on _Netflix, _she just waits for him.

He gives her a bemused smile when she tells him her reasoning for not picking out a movie.

"You're better at it than me!" she claims as he stumbles down next to her, his arm rounding her shoulders instantly. She leans into him easily.

Chuckles escape him, "what a grand skill to have."

She rolls her eyes slightly, "just pick out a god damn movie, Toby."

He laughs, falling into his wife's demands. Eventually he decides on _Captain Philips, _which is entirely captivating and entertaining, only further proving that Toby is spectacular at picking out movies.

"What would I do without my movie-pro husband?" she teases a little while after the movie. They basically just end up lounging on the couch, snuggled into each other, Toby playing with Spencer's hair, and Spencer tracing the patterns on his palm.

He chuckles, kissing the top of her head. "I guess you could use _Rotten Tomatoes_, or something. There are actually a lot of substitutes."

She giggles, "I don't trust their opinion as well as I trust yours."

"Well, good thing that I'm not going anywhere then," he nuzzles his nose against hers, making her grin widen. "Even if you are just using me as your own personal movie consultant, I'll be here for the rest of my days."

She meets his lips for a tender kiss. "You better," she murmurs after. She leans back into him, tucking her head into the burrow of his neck. His fingers once again toy with the ends of her waves. "Are you sure this is how you want to spend the rest of the afternoon—just lounging around on the couch?" he inquires softly.

She waits a second before answering. "It's perfect."

He smiles.

"I'm not boring you, am I?" she suddenly implores. But she is not too worried. Not worried enough to twist her head around and look at him.

"I'm never bored with you."

Her cheeks flush. He always knows exactly what to say. "You're very smooth, you know that, right?" she glances back at him.

He slyly grins before kissing her lips. "You make it easy."

"Again!" she laughs a little.

He chuckles, shaking his head. "Want me to stop?" he deems.

"No," a plentiful smile unfolds on her lips. "Don't you dare."

He places a butterfly kiss on her nose, "If that's what you want."

She giggles a little before leaning against him again, engulfing his touch.

She falls asleep easily in his arms, whereas most places she is filled with frantic restlessness to find the correct, comfortable position. It's not like that when she is in his arms. In his arms, she is immediately soothed. She is calm. She doesn't need to quiet her mind, or deduct her dark thoughts. None of it is necessary when she is in his embrace. It is just a subconscious thing. It's a flip of the switch in her mind.

She wakes up a little while later, a tiny bit groggy at first. But she quickly remembers the events leading up to the midday nap. She stares at her sleeping husband, sudden warmth running through her. Against her better judgment, she tousles her fingers through his bed ridden hair.

His eyes flutter open a moment later, a lazy smile smoothing out on his face at the sight of her. "Hey."

"Hey," she murmurs back, smiling. "Sorry. That was completely selfish of me. I just couldn't resist."

He grins, shaking his head, making her hand fall. "It's okay. What time is it anyway?"

"Almost 5."

"Mmmm," he leans back against the cushions, further. "What do you say we do?" he inquires.

"I was thinking, we could start a game of scrabble and call for Chinese takeout after I beat you," she smirks, her honeyed voice light and teasing.

"_Oh_," he purrs, raising an eyebrow. "Really? You really think you can beat me?"

"I have before."

"Yeah, on a 12 to 1 ratio," he smirks.

She narrows her eyes on him. "Fine. You're really so confident you can beat me?" she tempts. "Let's make this more interesting. Whoever wins has to pick up the Chinese."

"So, basically _you'll _be picking up the Chinese then?"

She glowers at him again, making him guffaw. She tries to think of a comeback. Something witty and intellectual, but her mind always busts around him. It doesn't work with its regular, high speed brain waves. Her usually beta waves slack down to alpha, succumbing her whole body in a certain way of relaxation. It's a blessing and a curse.

Before she can think of anything to say, he is pressing his lips against hers. Pulling her bottom lip into his mouth and grabbing a hold of her ponytail. She completely forgets about his teasing, pushing herself into him, and cupping his face. He is always surprising her with spontaneous kisses like this. They'll be in the middle of conversation-like so-and then suddenly, they aren't, and Toby's lips are on hers. She can't complain. She loves these unexpected kisses. They are always a good surprise. There isn't a lot of good surprises in the world.

He pulls away, "I'll go get the game," he caresses her cheek with his pointer and middle finger. "You get refreshments?" he suggests.

"Really? You're trusting me with refreshments?" she smirks.

He cocks his head to the side, his blue eyes filling with light as he recalls what happens every time she is in charge of drinks. She always makes coffee. No matter what the time. Even if it is 10PM. "Spencer, no. Do not make coffee. I trust you. You can do this," he encourages jokingly.

She giggles. "Fine, fine. I'll surprise you."

He steps off the couch in search for the game, while Spencer departs to the kitchen.

Toby comes back with the game and Spencer with tea. He approves her choice, giving her boyish grin, before unpacking the game and setting it up. She helps him, sitting cross-legged across from him on the rugged floor. Soon the game begins along with playful heckling and pointed stares. Toby uses words like, "Banana," "Snowman," and "Bookshelf," while Spencer puts forth, "Muskox," "Iodate," and "Argonaut." For most of the game, they keep at a steady pace with each other. But then Spencer wipes the board with "Zygotes," using all her letters, already receiving the fifty point bingo bonus, then landing her Z on "triple word score", and another letter on "triple word score."

Once the last tile is placed on the board, the game ends, and Spencer is declared victor. She smirks at her husband, her copper eyes shining with pride. "Whose the scrabble champion now?" she teases.

He smirks, "still me. It was _one_ game. You were just lucky."

She scoffs, "luck doesn't have anything to do with it."

"Fine," he sighs, tilting his head to the side. "I wan't be a poor sport. Good job. You won fair and square," he concedes.

The corners of her lips rise up as she beams at him. "Thank _you_. But that doesn't change the fact that you have to go pick up the Chinese," she reminds him.

He chuckles a little, beginning to scrap up the game pieces. "Don't worry. I don't break my promises."

She smiles, helping him put the game away. "I know," she states, catching his stare. "That's why I love you."

His grin is profound as he continues to put the pieces away. "And here I've always thought it was because of my skillful scrabble tactics."

She giggles. "That too," she offers. "Do you know that you were the first person to beat me since I was ten? Yeah. It was honestly a really big turn on, I'm not even joking."

He guffaws, shaking his head. "I always thought that you were pissed off."

"I was — it was both. It was very conflicting for me," she confesses.

He laughs again. "I think that new piece of information is only going to motivate me to continue claiming victor."

She giggles, her face going alight with affection.

He admires her, pushing the scrabble box out of the way, and moving towards her. "You have such a beautiful smile," he admires quietly, framing the side of her dace with his hand.

She sucks on her bottom lip, her mocha eyes gazing at him with jubilation. A slight pink covers her cheeks. "Thanks," the word barely makes it past her lips.

He nuzzles his nose against hers, both of their grins vibrant and elate. She lets her head tumble into his neck, her arms wrapping around him. In this place, in his arms, she's home.

"Mmmm, I should order the Chinese food," she mumbles into him. "I'm starving."

"All right," he rubs circles on her back, kissing the sides of her head. He pulls away, kissing the top of her nose, making her giggle. "You know my order, right?"

She nods, "spicy chicken lo mien?"

He smiles. "Of course you."

"You order it every time," she claims. "If I didn't know it, there would be something seriously wrong with me."

He laughs a little at this. He's always laughing in her presence. With her, everything's hilarious. "I guess I do order it a lot..." he admits sheepishly.

"You do," she agrees with a nod. "At this point it would be unorthodox if you got anything else."

Another chuckle. "Do you think I should try something else?" his fingers mindlessly run down her arms.

"No. You don't want to upset the balance of the universe," she advises in a teasing tone.

"We kind of already did today by playing hooky," he bargains.

"That's _true," _she settles, a feigned pondering look taking over her features. "But by ordering something else, you will only further unbalance the stream of things."

"You're right. I don't want to piss off the universe by getting another Chinese order. Holy Christ knows what'd happen if I did that..."

She guffaws, biting her lip slightly like she always does when she didn't mean to laugh. She shakes her head, her grin still wide. "So, seriously, spicy chicken lo mien or pissing off the universe? What do you want?"

"I think I'll just get the lo mien, to be safe," he smirks.

_"To be safe,"_ she mocks the words in a murmur, laughing a little before pressing her mouth to his.

She didn't intend for the kiss to be so deep and passionate, but that's what it ends up being. She tugs her lips away from his at one point, only to be coated with slobbery, pleasurable kisses on her neck. "I need to call the Chinese..." she whimpers, giggling.

"Okay," he mumbles back.

She shakes her head to herself, amused as he continues to lather her neck with kisses. "You're going to have to stop..." she puts forth.

He makes a little whimper, groaning noise before looking up at her with those giant, blue orbs of his.

"I can't make a call while you're doing..._that._"

"Why not?" his smirk is faint, and azure eyes slightly teasing. He is messing with her.

"Y — you know why." She stammers on her words under the gaze he gives her. "Don't... I'm serious." a loose smile expands on her ivory face.

He chuckles, his hands finding hers, and interlocking. "Fine. I will keep to myself."

"Five minutes," she tells him. "That's all. Less, probably."

Then she makes the call, and by the end of it, Toby is plunging forward, his lips attaching to hers. She smiles into his mouth, almost laughing, but eventually getting lost in the lust and adoration. The Chinese place had told her the order would be ready in forty five to fifty minutes for pick up. It takes ten minutes to get there. They are cutting short on time. If they are going to do this, it is going to have to be quick.

Both of them are completely aware of that though. Clothes are off in a jiffy, spread around them sloppily. They devour each other, touching everywhere, but only for a few seconds-needing to feel everything, but not having enough time to do it.

How ironic.

* * *

She's wearing his shirt, leaning against the door as he shrugs on his leather jacket. She's always liked the leather jacket on him. It's always made him look somehow sexier than he already is. Adding that to the stubble that currently resides on his face, makes him completely irresistible. She licks her lips a little as she watches him with lust filled eyes.

"Spence?"

Her eyes click to meet his. He's chuckling softly. He catches her a lot in these types of situations. He always has. She's never been good at hiding her gawking.

"Sorry," she sighs a little, pressing her hands to his chest, falling into him a little. "You're just _so _dreamy!" she says the words in a high pitch voice, her eyes widening a little. She's joking, but she's not. She laughs about it. He does too.

He brings his hand up, running his hair through her curls. "As is my wife."

She grins. And if suddenly remembering the time at the growl of her stomach, she nudges him a little. "You should go! It will get cold. And it's never as good as it is after being reheated."

"Right," he responds before pecking her on the lips. "I will see you in twenty five, or so minutes."

"I'll be waiting..." her voice trails.

He squeezes her hand before making his exit out the door. She watches him travel down the porch, and down the stone path before walking over to his truck. He looks over his shoulder, smiles, and waves at her before getting in his truck and leaving.

If only she knew then to say a more heartfelt goodbye.

* * *

She sets the table, loads up the dishwasher, and makes a pot of tea. When Toby still isn't home, she decides to turn on the TV to pass time. Her stomach is growling ferociously. The box of Wheat Thins they have in their kitchen is practically begging her to come and take a handful. But she stays strong. Toby will be home soon. She's always had good self control.

When the clock tells her that it's been thirty five minutes, she decides to call him. Usually he's back by now. There's probably traffic, or something. Or maybe the Chinese place messed up the order—they've done that many times, too many to count.

It rings and rings and rings, and then goes to voice mail.

_Hey baby, it's me... um, I'm just wondering where you are. Well, to put that more accurately, my __**stomach **__is wondering where you are. Maybe you left your phone in the truck. Just text or call me when you get this._

She waits another ten minutes before calling again. The same exact thing happens one again.

_Hey. I'm probably just being paranoid, as always. I'm just calling to make sure everything is okay._

The voice mails become more frantic as time passes.

_It's been about an hour, and I am probably being crazy, but I'm worried. Call me back when you get this. Love you._

_You've been gone for an hour and a half now. I've been defeated. I'm eating Wheat Thins. _(Humor is a defense mechanism for the brunette.) _Please, please answer. I'm really getting worried, and I think I have a right. I think I'm going to call the Chinese place. See what's happening... Love you._

The Chinese place tells her he never came in to pick it up.

_Toby, I'm getting really, really worried. They said you never picked the order up? Where are you? What's going on? I love you._

_Two hours have passed. I don't know what to do. This is just...really weird. Please pick up. Please. Please. Be safe. Please. I love you._

She has no idea what to do—what to think. She's always been prone to overreact these kinds of things. She always thinks the worst. She's always battling paranoia. But this feels..._different. _She feels unhinged. She feels uneasy. She feels _sick. _She's not even hungry anymore.

_Where is her husband?_

She doesn't know if he's safe, or if he's...

She shakes the thought.

Maybe his truck broke down, and he's walking home, and has no signal. There's a lot of woods by their houses. Sometimes it's hard to get signal.

But even then...he would be home by now. Two and half hours. That's how long he's been gone. He could have walked back from the Chinese place by now, if he even got that far. He could be home by now.

It doesn't make sense.

Maybe he is at an auto shop. She knows there is one by the Chinese place.

She keeps waiting for him to call her back. To hear her phone ring, and for it to be Toby. But nothing like that happens. She is just left with silence. Left with herself, in his shirt, worrying and brewing over where he could possibly be. If he's safe. If he's hurt. If he's...

No she won't. He's okay. He has to be.

_It's been three hours. I don't know... I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I'm thinking about calling the police... I'm just—you're really, really scaring me right now. Please call me back. Please, Toby. I love you. So much._

For some reasons the voice mails keep her sane.

They are more frequent as time passes. Less time fills the gaps. Soon she is crying into her phone, begging that he pick up, pleading that he come home.

She eventually calls someone else.

"I don't know what to do," she sobs into the phone, letting the receiver of the call in on what's happening.

"I'll be there in a second. Just... stay put. I love you."

"Love you, too."

Soon the receiver of the call is at her house, wrapping her in their arms around her.

They sit at the kitchen table. The guest's hands covering Spencer's as she recounts the endless voice mails she had left.

"I think it's time to call the police," her friend advises, putting on a encouraging, small smile. "They'll fix this. They'll know what to do."

Spencer nods weakly. She knows when she calls the police, this will be real. She won't just be over exaggerating, or feeling paranoid. _This will be real. _Whatever has happened _— _it's enough to call the cops.

She picks up the phone hesitantly, sucking in a breath of courage. "Thanks for being here, Han. I really, really appreciate it," she tells her best friend before pressing the send button.

"Of course," she squeezes the hand she still has covered.

Spencer presses the green send button on her phone to make the call to the police.

_I think my husband is missing._


	2. Chapter 2

**a/n: **I am going to continue this. :) I am unsure about Hollow Ghost Hearts right now, but yes, I am planning on updating this regularly (well, I'll try!) I actually already have the third chapter completed! :) But um, yeah, I don't even know _how_ I feel about this. There isn't _tons _of spoby, but I mean... that's just how it is.

Thank you so, so, sooooo much for the reviews! Wow. I honestly wasn't expecting that much of a reaction... hahah. I'm pretty sure that's the most I've ever gotten on a multichap fic first chapter... wow, you guys are outstanding. Thanks sooooo much. I hope I don't disappoint! :) Like... wow, I want to make everything perfect for you guys, and I think that's why I'm getting so critical of my work? But yeah... I really just want everything to be perfect. You guys are so so so nice. Honestly I was smiling so much. Thank you! :)

Also, to answer some questions...

There will be Toby POV chapters. Both in flash backs, and present. :) But the present ones will come later in the story... heh.

-A is not in this story. :)

And that's all I'm giving you..._  
_

ahhahaha.

* * *

Chapter 2

July 12, 2005

The young woman laughs at her friend as she messes up the lyrics to _Mr. Brightside_. She does this to every song. She can barely count how many damn times she had messed up the lyrics of _Toxic,_the last song that came on the radio.

"Can you just—stop?" Spencer begs, laughing. "You are getting the lyrics completely wrong, Han."

Her friend just sings louder, making Spencer roll her eyes—but only playfully. Truly it's entertaining, and she can use entertaining right now. They have been on the road for four and a half hours, and still have two more hours to go.

They are visiting their best friend, Emily. She attends college in Vermont. She got some amazing swimming scholarship there that she couldn't refuse_—full ride._It split the three best friends up. Hanna and Spencer attend college in New York, a good six hours away from the swimmer, but they still remain close. They have Skype phone calls, and meet up sometimes during spring and winter break.

Emily, like Hanna and Spencer, lives in an apartment, completely unattached to the school. Emily had lived in a dorm her freshman and sophomore year, but by her junior year, she had decided to live somewhere else. Something about her roommate being annoying, and the dorm being so small that she _never_has any personal space. Her coworker had put up a sign, requesting roommates, and Emily immediately made the call. They were sort of friends at the time, but now apparently, after a year of living together, they are very close. Hanna and Spencer have made continuous pokes at the relationship, asking when she is going to date this boy she talks so fondly of. _Toby Cavanaugh._Emily always dismisses them with an embarrassed smile, and a pledge that they are just friends. The last time they spoke with her, she had said he had a girlfriend. Hanna and Spencer had been skeptical of this. _Was she just saying that so they would stop?_

Along with Toby Cavanaugh, she lives Alex Santiago. When Hanna had found out she was living with not only one guy, but two, she made a whistling sound, calling their best friend a player, once again sprouting an embarrassed smile from the swimmer in response. Emily is shy like that.

Spencer only knows a few things about these men.

Toby Cavanaugh is a year older than them. He graduated last year, and is currently looking into finding a job at an architecture firm. Currently he is just working on freelance architecture and of course has his coffee shop job, where he had met Emily. He's shy and kind, according to Emily.

Alex Santiago is their age, but a little behind on his college classes. He doesn't have enough money for college. He has to space out his classes so he has enough money to pay for everything. He apparently works at local country club. Emily says that he is sweet.

But that's all she knows about the two. Emily hadn't provided many details on them. She doesn't even know what they look like. She knows Santiago is a Hispanic last name, so she assumes Alex is of the Hispanic nationality, but that's all. Nothing else.

When they (_finally)_get to the apartment complex, Hanna is sprinting to the door, going on about how she needs to pee. And what choice does Spencer have, but to follow her best friend?

Hanna impatiently jabs the button on the intercom, dancing a little due to her full bladder. It makes a little noise, signaling there is someone else on the other end, and before that person even speaks, Hanna exclaims, "LET ME IN! I HAVE TO PEE!"

The person on the other end asks, a little uncomfortably, "Are you Emily's friends?"

"YES! LET ME IN. I HAVE TO PEE!"

The person on the other end buzzes them in, and suddenly they are walking up to the door, Hanna violently knocking on the door of the apartment. The door swings open after a moment, revealing a tall, built, blue-eyed man. He seems uncomfortable, and Spencer can't exactly blame him.

"Emily went to go get some groceries," the man explains, holding the door still. "I think she thought you'd be here later."

He opens the door wider, signaling for them to enter. They do. He closes the door behind them.

"I'm Toby," he extends an arm to Hanna. She shakes it uncommitted, her eyes everywhere else but him. Usually when Hanna see's a hot guy, she _freaks._She will get pink faced and affectionate, flirting shamelessly. But apparently her full bladder is distracting her from the handsome man.

"Yeah, great. Where's your bathroom?"

Spencer mentally face palms herself. Hanna can be very..._intrusive_ sometimes.

"Uh, down the hall, to the left," he points over to the right of him.

Hanna dashes past him, nearly running to the bathroom. Spencer sighs a little to herself. She can't tell if Toby is amused or uncomfortable. Maybe both.

He looks over to her, offering a sort of, awkward, embarrassed smile. The kind Emily always showcases. "I'm assuming that was Hanna, and you're Spencer?"

She gives him a quizzical look, and he quickly explains.

"Emily's told me a lot about you two. A lot of stories. That seemed very Hanna-like..." his voice trails a little. Her silence unsettles him, "God, you're Hanna aren't you? I'm-uh," he shakes his head. "It's not-you're not. It's not a bad thing."

She giggles a little, shaking her head. "No. No, you were right the first time. I'm Spencer."

He sighs with relief.

"I have to apologize about Hanna... she's never been the best with manners..."

He waves her off, "no. It's fine. I don't mind. Really."

She offers a polite smile.

"Do you need any help with your bags?" he suddenly asks, looking down at her empty hands.

"Um," she sucks on her bottom lip. Most of the stuff is Hanna's. They are staying two and half weeks, but Hanna had packed as it were months. She shrugs, "I mean. If you want to. I don't want to be a burden."

"It's no burden," he offers. "I'm not really doing anything anyways," he shrugs.

She whips up a smile of gratitude. "Well, thank you..." she recites, sucking in a breath. Attractive _and_sweet? Spencer understands why Emily is so fond of Toby. "But Hanna's probably going to be in there for awhile. She has to fix her makeup, and hair...and everything else."

He chuckles a little. "Well, you want a drink in the mean time? I mean, we only have water," he blushes a little. "Which is sort of _why_Emily went out."

"Water's fine," she gives him a curt nod. "Water's good." She isn't sure why she added on the second part.

He cracks another grin. "All right. I'll get you a glass," he tells her. "You can make yourself at home."

She nods and walks over to the couch. She takes a seat and glances around. She recognizes some of the paintings on the wall as Emily's, but the rest are ambiguous to her. Although she does like them.

He comes over to her, juggling three waters in his hands. He sets down one on the coffee table, then hands one to Spencer. She gratefully takes it from him, offering another polite smile. He sits next to her—a cushion down—on the brown, leather couch. He takes a sip before setting his glass down on a side table.

"Those are nice paintings..." she comments, nodding over to the wall. "Very pretty."

He smiles adorably at her before admitting that he is the artist behind them. "They're mine actually," he says, keeping his eyes on the paintings. "I gave them to Emily as gifts, and she demanded to hang them up in here. I didn't want her to, but..." he shrugs, staring back at Spencer. "She insisted."

"You painted those?" she murmurs in disbelief, gaping at the paintings. One is set in the woods, light pouring from the trees, and a river streaming through the forest. The other is a painting of mountains, an ocean or something featuring in the foreground. They are both very good. He is talented. "Those are amazing!" she looks back him.

He looks down, grinning and blushing. "Thanks, they're...all right," he shrugs. "I used to be better. But I don't really do it that much anymore. No time."

She frowns. "That's too bad. You're very talented."

He shrugs again, softly smiling. "I'm okay."

"You're humble, is what you are," she presses on.

He beams up at her, the soft grin on his face making her melt.

The sound of a door opening snaps Spencer out of the gaze. She hears Hanna walking down the hall, and soon she is taking a seat on the recliner, smiling sweetly. Her eyes land on the water, "is that mine?!" she asks.

Toby nods.

"You're so sweet! Thank you! I'm _parched!_" She reaches for the glass, taking a huge gulp from it before setting it back down. "You have a very nice bathroom. Very good soap. Emily pick out those soaps?"

Toby nods, smiling a little. Once again, Spencer cannot tell if it is out of amusement or discomfort.

"I knew it. Emily's always had a good nose. For smelling. _And__for vanity_." Hanna smirks. "Don't you agree?"

He nods, smacking his lips together. "Yeah, um, yeah."

Hanna grins, glancing at Spencer. _They're totally doing it,_the look reads.

Spencer just playfully rolls her eyes, and offers a sly grin.

"So," Toby starts after a pause, standing up and brushing his hands on his pants. "Want to go get your stuff?"

Spencer nods, standing up. Hanna makes a little annoyed whimper before standing up too.

"Toby offered to help us," Spencer explains.

Hanna smiles at the man afterwards. "So sweet!" she coos.

He offers a smile, and soon they are out the door.

It only takes two trips to get all their stuff out of the car. Toby is _very_strong. He carries most of the luggage with ease, not even breaking a sweat. Spencer can't help but to feel a little fuzzy around the man.

After they bring their luggage up to the apartment, Emily arrives, a million apologies pouring out of her mouth.

_I'm so sorry!_

_I thought you'd be here later! I'm sorry!_

_I'm a bad friend. God, I'm awful. I'm so sorry._

Emily is one of those people who apologizes too much.

Toby leaves once Emily comes, saying that he'll give them some space. _Sweet._

"He's _hot_!" Hanna exclaims once he's gone. "How are you _not_doing that?"

Emily shakes her head, looking flustered for a second before saying, "he has a girl friend." Emily doesn't meet either of them in the eye as she pulls out groceries from the bag, and stores them into the fridge.

"I bet you're _way_ hotter than her."

Emily chuckles a bit. "Even if he didn't have a girlfriend, I wouldn't be with him," she puts forth.

Hanna rolls her eyes.

"Why not?"

Emily opens her mouth, but stops herself. She pipes up an innocent smile, "I'm dating someone else..."

"Who?"

She bites her lip, looking away. Spencer studies her, squinting her brown eyes at her friend. She is acting...weird. "Why didn't you tell us?" Spencer questions lightly.

Emily shrugs, smiling an uncomfortable smile. "I—it's still kind of early."

Hanna frowns. "Well, what's his name?" she asks. "How old is he? What does he look like? Got any pictures?"

Emily sucks in a breath before speaking. "There's something I haven't told you guys. I don't know why... I just... I—," she struggles. "You guys are my best friends."

Spencer furrows her eyebrows.

"Whatever it is, Em, you can tell us."

"Yeah, we love you no matter what," Hanna adds.

She smiles a little, this time a real one. "I know... I just," she sighs a little. "I'm dating a girl."

Spencer's eyes gape a little.

After a moment of initial shock, Hanna breaks the tension. "Okay. Well, is _she_hot? Cute? Spunky? What's her name?"

Emily relinquishes a broad smile of relief. "Her name's Maya," she states, smiling at the name.

Spencer offers a smile, "as long as you're happy, so are we."

"Yes. We _love_Emily. Whether you're with Maya, or someone else, we love you all the same."

Her grin is one of elation. "That really means a lot guys, thank you."

Spencer offers a smile. "So," she starts, "what's she like?"

Emily takes a sweet, tiny breath, "Spontaneous. Beautiful. Daring."

"Do we get to meet her?" Hanna asks.

Emily nods. "Yeah! Of course. She really wants to meet you guys! "

"You told her about us?" a sly smile crosses Hanna's face, her blue eyes lighting up. "What did you say?" Hanna gushes, her full blue eyes open with curiosity.

"Just run downs of who you are; what you want to be," Emily shrugs it off casually. "Nothing out of the ordinary."

"Well, if this Maya girl knows things about me, I want to know things about her!" Hanna demands playfully.

Spencer joins in, "Yeah, what's she like?" she raises an eyebrow, smirking a little.

Emily shakes her head, laughing before taking out a carton of milk from the grocery bags, and storing it in the fridge. "You can see for yourself… just have some patience," she conducts, turning around to meet her friends' stares. "Maya's taking us clubbing tomorrow," she announces.

"_Clubbing!,_" Hanna beams. "I already love this girl. But, oh God, we are going to need to hit the mall. I did _not _pack a clubbing outfit."

"Really? In your _three _suit cases, you can't find an outfit?" Spencer narrows her eyes on her friend.

"Spencer," Hanna starts with raised eyebrows, angling her body towards her friend, "one of those suitcases doesn't even _have _clothes in it. It's makeup and hair stuff. And shoes. You can't go wrong with packing more than enough shoes."

Spencer offers a brisk laugh before raising an eyebrow to Emily, silently asking her if they should accompany their friend on her ridiculous demand.

Emily giggles, "okay, Han. Fine. We can go to the mall," Emily decides.

"Great!" Hanna exclaims, clapping her hands together. "And we can get you something extra sexy for Maya." The blonde smirks, her blue eyes lusting over with scheme and mischief.

Emily shakes her head that shy, embarrassed smile parking on her lips accompanying the crimson on her cheeks.

Spencer barks out a laugh. "This should interesting…"

The three girls advert their attention to the doorway. A man Spencer has never seen before, but can only assume is Alex Santiago stands there, looking baffled as ever. Spencer can't help but notice the dark curls and olive skin complimentary combination. He literally looks like he could be a sports model in that white tennis uniform (probably just getting back from the club.)

"Oh, uh, hey," he cracks a smile at the trio before moving over to them. "You must be Emily's friends, I'm Alex Santiago," he lends out a hand to Hanna, then Spencer. "That's a strong grip," he tells Spencer. His smirk and twinkling caramel eyes makes her stomach flutter a little.

"I could say the same thing to you," she offers lightly. "I'm Spencer."

Spencer sees Emily and Hanna share a look after, making her internally roll her eyes.

"So, you must be Hanna, then," he eyes the blonde for a second.

"You have to forgive me, I must smell like a high school gym," he apologizes, shifting his caramel eyes between the three, and lastly landing on Spencer. His long stare on her makes her stomach twist. "I work at a Clubhouse; the tennis boy," he reports with a sly smile.

"So, I've heard," Spencer responds timidly, the corners of her lips tugging out into a smile of her own.

His eyes stay on hers for one last moment, and then they're gone. "I should probably shower. But after, I'll find a way too busy myself. I'll give you three some alone time," his eyes glance all about the girls.

Emily smiles gratefully, "thanks, Alex."

He curtly nods before making his departure; giving one last look to Spencer before he is completely out of the frame.

Hanna gives Spencer a suggestive smirk after Alex is gone, raising an eyebrow. "He _likes _you."

"He doesn't even know me," Spencer responds, smiling a little at Hanna's words. She makes it a priority to not look at Hanna in the eye.

"Well, he thinks you're cute then," Hanna puts forth. "And he's cute, too. You should totally hit that. I would."

"Hanna!" Emily exclaims, giving her a stern look.

"What?" Hanna shrugs innocently, "I would," she states.

Spencer laughs. "I'm not going to hit _anything_. We're going to be here for two weeks."

"Yeah, exactly," Hanna smirks. "You don't have to deal with the emotional bullshit—you have a way out. C'mon, Spence. I know you hate the emotional ties just as much as I do. You're just shy about it."

"I don't _hate_ emotional ties. I just get tired of most of guys I date. It's always the same thing, over and over."

Hanna rolls her eyes, turning to Emily. "Whatever," she dismisses the conversation. "I say we drink tonight," Hanna proposes.

"I second that," Spencer voices.

"Two against one," Emily shrugs. "I guess, we're drinking tonight."

_July 13, 2005_

The next morning, Spencer wakes up to a hung over Hanna. She whines and groans, and demands to have breakfast in bed. Hanna is the worst person to have a hangover. When nursing a hangover, Hanna turns into some wild coyote that hasn't had a meal in three days. Spencer ignores her, her own head slightly throbbing.

Emily is gone. Probably making breakfast, or something. Emily's mother taught her to be this way—_treat your guests like they are royalty. _Spencer kicks Hanna's leg to get her to shut up, before sitting up, and stretching.

"Ow! Bitch," Hanna murmurs crankily, rubbing the spot on her leg where Spencer kicked. She sits up, stretching her arms over her head. "You better hook up with Alex, fast. I _cannot _share a bed with two people for two weeks straight."

Spencer rolls her eyes. Emily has a queen size bed so it's a little snug. Especially when a wasted Hanna is in the middle, wrapping herself around you every five minutes, or kneeing you in the spleen as an alternative.

"Why don't _you _?"

"Because he's not into me. I know how to read guys, Spencer. I may read slow when it comes to books, but with guys…" her voice trails. Suddenly Hanna forgets the conversation from before, and asks where Emily is.

Spencer responds with a shrug, offering her guess to Hanna before stepping off the bed, and wrapping her long, dark hair into a bun.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Hanna crawls on the bed over to Spencer. She grabs her by the shirt tail, pulling her back on the bed. Spencer tumbles down, scowling at her best friend.

"_What?"_

Hanna picks a few pieces from Spencer's hair from the bun, letting strands fall all around her face. Spencer crinkles up her nose in displeasure. Hanna then proceeds to slap both sides of the brunette's cheeks.

"Hanna! What the fuck!?" Spencer jumps out the bed.

"Ugh, don't be so loud," she hisses. "It will give you color!" she claims. "And your bun is too tight. You should loosen it."

"No. You already pulled out half my hair," she pushes the locks of brown out of her face.

Hanna gives her a slight eye roll. "Okay, well at least put on some light mascara."

Spencer gives her an incredulous look, "what's wrong with—," then it clicks, "is this about Alex?"

Hanna smiles coyly, shrugging a shoulder.

Spencer huffs a breath of annoyance before leaving the room. She is almost sure Hanna will go back to sleep.

As Spencer shuts the door, she hears Emily's laugh. A little part of her sinks in relief. She isn't shy—not really. But being alone with either Alex or Toby, or _both _definitely sounds nerve racking.

She quietly moves down the hall, and into the kitchen/living area. Emily and Toby are sitting on the couch, a bowl of cereal in Emily's hand, and a mug of coffee in Toby's. Toby spots her first and offers a polite smile. She smiles back.

Emily takes note of Toby's shift in vision, and greets her friend, setting her bowl of cereal on the coffee table. "I was thinking about making breakfast, but I wasn't sure when you two would wake up—especially Hanna. How's the hangover?"

Between the three of them, Emily drank the least. She probably was only a tad bit tipsy.

Spencer shrugs, "It's moderate."

Emily gapes a little at this.

"What?" Spencer inquires.

She smirks a little, shrugging, "nothing. You're just a lot less lightweight than I remember."

Spencer offers a slight eye roll, her lips tugging up into a meager smile. "I didn't even drink that much…"

"Are you kidding? You passed out in the car. Toby had to help bring you in," she laughs a little.

Spencer feels embarrassment span all across her body, crimson dashing all across her face. She looks down in shame, refusing to look at Emily, and _especially _Toby.

"It was no big deal." Toby suddenly supplies after a minute of shame.

That's what he said about the bags too. Apparently everything is no big deal to him.

"Hanna was worse. Don't worry," Emily offers, obviously trying to make it better. She squeezes Spencer's arm, "you want some coffee? Cereal?"

Spencer nods, "yes. But I can get it myself. If you tell me where it is… I'm not a helpless little lamb."

Emily grins sweetly, "I know." Her hand falls. "The coffee is already made. The mugs are in the shelf above the microwave. The cereal is on top of the fridge. The cheerios are mine…" she explains. Which is a polite way of saying, _only eat the cheerios._

Spencer gives her a nod, before going on her way, taking out a mug, and pouring herself some coffee before preparing her bowl of cheerios. Spencer would have picked the cheerios over the cornflakes, anyway.

She sits on the recliner chair after noticing there is no table to sit at. She mentions this. "You—Emily Fields—the girl who set the dinner table every day, and never allowed us to eat on the couch—doesn't have a table to eat at?"

Emily laughs that embarrassed, sweet laugh of hers, where she dips her head down and blushes a little. "Yeah. We used to have one…but," she shrugs. "Usually we just eat at the counter or couch, so why keep it? It was Alex's idea."

Spencer takes a spoonful of cereal. "Just strange to see, is all."

Emily rolls her eyes a little, "I'm not my mom. She's the one who made me set the table."

"I guess I just always pictured you turning out like her," Spencer puts forth.

"I admit we have some of the same qualities. But I am not Pam Fields 2.0."

Spencer laughs.

They all turn around at the sound of a slamming door, a groan shortly following from the same area.

"That's probably Hanna…" Emily amusedly grins.

"Did she throw up last night?"

"Yes," Emily cringes. "A lot. You were asleep already."

"Lucky me…" Spencer scrunches up her face in discomfort. "Did I?" she feels more embarrassed than she did before.

Emily shakes her head noncommittally before standing up, and taking her dish to the sink. "I'm going to go help Hanna out…" Emily announces before turning to go down the hall.

"Em, I can help!" Spencer urgently gets out, nearly jumping off the couch.

"No, really, I got it," Emily twists her body around for a moment, giving her an appeasing smile. "Just eat your cereal before it gets soggy," her friend directs, putting her hands up.

Spencer slowly falls down in her seat, sighing.

Emily is gone off to help Hanna, meaning Spencer is left alone with Toby. She feels a bit uncomfortable. Never has she felt more embarrassed. She _has _to apologize. "Thank you for last night…" Spencer provides, looking up at him.

"It was no problem," he states casually, his tone genuine. Or maybe he just _always _sounds this genuine. She can't tell.

"No. It was." Spencer nods, sighing shortly. "Normally I'm not such a…mess."

His tender smile makes something inside her twitch.

"You don't need to apologize to me," he claims. "Normally I _am _a mess."

Her lips spread into a smile, a little of her shame falling away. "Just…thank you."

"As I said before, _no problem._"

Warmness spreads through her stomach. She looks away from him, feeling foolish.

_He has a girlfriend. He has a girlfriend. He has a girlfriend._

She repeats the mantra in her head over and over again as if she will be tested on it.

Even if he _didn't _have a girlfriend, she lives five hours away. It would _never _work out.

Leave it to Spencer to actually find in interest in someone taken and far away.


	3. Chapter 3

**_a/n:_**for some reason, I had an urge to update today...lol. I have had this written for awhile, so yeah? LOL.

Thanks for the reviews! You are all so wonderful! :) I adore you so so so much. I wish I could kiss your little heads. Keep the reviews coming, my friends. They are motivating and encouraging and make me smile. (But maybe you dont' want me to smile. I mean, I _am _torturing you with this? Oh well...) Anyways, thanks ! :) I have been thinking about thanking everyone individually because yeah? Maybe I won't do it every chapter. HA. But i just adore you guys so much...ok.

_TheVelvetDusk:_ at first I was honestly going to make this NOT AU, but then I was like...ugh they've already been through SO much, and I don't want their future to have anymore tragedy. LOL like I am literally that insane... ? But yeah, that was my determining factor...and then everything else sort of fell into place after that :P But thank you! :D

_Guest:_ You are sooooo sweet. I try my best to write the characters with the aspects they have in the show, but sometimes I feel like I over exaggerate them, so it's very kind of you to say that! Thanks so much for the words of encouragement too! I have a problem where I try to please everyone :) So. It's nice to hear that.

_SpobyStelena: _I was kind of hoping for that reaction tbh! :D Thank you!

_Guest:_ Thank you! :)

_Guest:_ Thank You! :)

_SpobyFicStalker:_ Hehe ;) You'll see. Thanks so much! I always love your reviews. I hope to continue to intrigue you.

_Emilee Amethyst:_ HAH! Yeah, I love writing Hanna, and writing her hung over was fun.

_Spobylover1237:_ Thank yoU!

_poppy1999:_ that's so nice of you to say! I definitely think there are a lot better spoby writers than me though :)

* * *

Chapter 3

October 21

She shrugs on a maroon cardigan over (Toby's) loose fitting shirt. She looks like an absolute nut job with her fancy maroon cardigan wrapped around the simple blue t-shirt that promotes some wildlife organization, but she really doesn't care. She doesn't even look in a mirror. Whatever she looks like, it doesn't matter. None of that is to her concern right now.

She almost leaves her house before putting pants on. She is just about to turn the knob when she realizes she is still pant less. She doesn't have time to be embarrassed or ashamed of her foolish behavior. Instead she just rushes inside their room to tug on some old sweats she is pretty sure she has had since college. The gray, faded sweats just complete the hideousness of the ensemble.

Hanna is on the phone still when Spencer comes out of the bedroom. She was on the phone before. That's probably _why _she hadn't caught her at the door. Spencer isn't really sure who she is speaking to. At first she thinks it must be work, but then she hears her own name, and knows Hanna must be calling a variety of others to come down to the police station for moral support.

Spencer doesn't bother to listen. She's too caught up in her own thoughts. Even if she tried to listen, she knows she would be incapable of hearing her blonde, loud friend. She feels apart from the world. Lifeless, almost. She cannot fathom the world around her. She feels like she's been tossed in a world completely askew from her own. A world where she cannot fathom the objective reality. A world without _him._

Hanna drives to the police station, most likely sparring them from a fatal accident. Spencer knows that if she was behind the wheel, they'd crash almost immediately. She'd be in better condition to drive if she had just gurgled down a six pack of beer, than she would be right now. Her mind is completely out of line with the world around her.

She feels Hanna's hand on hers, tugging her slightly.

They are at the police station. Hanna has already gotten out of the driver's seat, and is at the passenger's side. The door is open, Spencer's seat belt is unbuckled (was it ever buckled at all? Spencer must ask herself.) Hanna is holding her hand, as if she is a toddler, guiding her out of the car.

Hanna shuts the door, then wraps her arms around Spencer's shoulders, keeping her moving and steady as they reach the inside of the police station. Spencer pushes herself to move forward, thinking precisely about every step she takes. She keeps her eyes to the ground, watching her feet swing into the air, and then dive back into the earth again. She keeps doing this until the blacktop ground turns into tile. Then she looks up.

They are inside the police station.

They walk up to the desk, Hanna explaining the circumstances in quiet whispers. Spencer once again doesn't listen.

The police woman goes to the back of the police station, returning only a moment later with two other police officers.

A is hand is put out in front of her, a voice accompanying it. "I'm officer Holbrook. You are Spencer Hastings, I'm gathering?"

Spencer shifts her fidgety, void eyes up to meet his, but she doesn't meet his handshake. His hand returns to his side.

"This is Officer Gordo," he says next. Spencer shifts her eyes over to the woman next to him. She has dark skin and bright green eyes. She is very pretty. Young, too.

"Hello, Spencer," her deep voice greets.

Spencer just rearranges her grimace slightly. She can't smile. Not now. "Hi."

They both seem friendly enough. Both genuine and kind in the eyes. But Spencer still feels unsettled.

"We're just going to ask you a couple questions," Holbrook says.

She feels Hanna rubbing the side of her arm supportively.

"If you like, you can bring along your friend," he offers.

Spencer just nods, her gaze turning to Hanna. Hanna smiles warmly, nodding.

They go to talk in a room that can be nothing other than an interrogation room. They offer coffee, which Spencer accepts, even though it's ten at night, and she already has enough adrenaline running through her system. Hanna has some too, as do the police officers.

They tell her that she can have an attorney present, in response she asks why.

"It's just standard procedure," they fill her in.

"I called your parents. They should be here any minute…" Hanna interrupts before Spencer can say anything to the man.

Spencer bites her lip. "No," she shakes her head in the slightest of ways. "No waiting. I don't want to waste anymore time."

They begin the questions thereafter. She answers them to the best of her ability.

At first they are easy. Almost seemingly irrelevant.

_How long have you been married?—Three years this coming November._

_Have any kids? Want any kids?—No, but one day, yes._

_You think that one day is coming up?—Um, yes?_

_You seem unsure.—I just don't see how it's relevant._

_Guess it's not. Can you tell us what he was wearing last?_

Spencer wants to smash her head against the table at that question. Because even though the other questions were irrelevant and wasteful, at least she had an _answer _to them.

She cannot recall what he was wearing. How could she not remember that? He had barely been wearing that outfit for any time at all. After she stole his shirt, he was forced to find another. She has no clue what that shirt looks like. She doesn't even know the color.

"Um, I know he was wearing his black leather jacket…" she puts forth uneasily. "And um, washed out jeans."

"Anything else?"

She tries her hardest to recall the shirt underneath the jacket, but nothing comes to mind. She shakes her head.

"Thank you, that's good. Sometimes people don't know _anything_."

Spencer silently, morbidly wonders just how often this happens. And how often it just turns out to be a bust. How often is someone just freaking out over nothing? It occurs to her that is why in some places, there is a twenty four hour rule. But what if those twenty four hours changed everything? What if some terrible happened in those twenty four hours?

Hanna rubs her back supportively.

"And you said on the phone, he was getting Chinese for you two? At _Hong Chow? _you said?"

She nods, her hand clamping on the bottom of her shirt, which is really his. The fabric feels soft and soothing between her fingers.

"They have good Eggrolls there," Gordo says.

Spencer forces herself to nod. She is really not in the mood for small talk.

Holbrook adds on. "Yeah, I'm more of a fan of their spring rolls."

Spencer wants to shout. _My husband is missing you nitwits! Stop talking about fucking Chinese food, and do your goddamn job! _But instead she just curls her fingers around the table, digging her nails into the surface of the wood.

"Anyways. How long again was it again that you decided to call?"

"Three hours," she grits through her teeth. "I didn't," she swallows. "I just kept hoping he'd come home…" she continues in numbness.

They both give her empathetic nods. Hanna grabs her hand and squeezes it.

"That's understandable," Holbrook puts forth, nodding.

They went on to ask her what the vehicle he had driven to pick up the pizza looked like. The model. The license plate number. Everything. This time, she had answers. Which surprises them. "Most people don't know this much about their spouse's vehicle. Sometimes people don't even know their _own _license plate," Gordo told her. Hanna had chimed in, saying that Spencer had a photogenic memory. But Spencer doesn't feel like she does. If her memory is so good, why can't she remember the shirt her husband was wearing earlier that day?

She had to fill out forms. About the vehicle. About his cell phone. Their cell phone company, all that.

"So, what did he and you do today? Before the incident?"

_Incident. _

She doesn't like that word. It makes it sound like someone simply had spilled a glass of juice, or something.

"Um…" she starts, unsure. Her day was very obscure today. Completely out of the ordinary. "Well, my husband and I…" she begins, feeling like a child being interrogated by their parents because she had taken a cookie before dinner. "We played hooky today. We usually don't… ever. This is the first time we have _ever _done it. It's just we never see each other…and we just wanted some extra time with one another," she explains. She feels a lump in her throat forming. What if she never sees him again? What if there is no more time for them to spend together? What if today marks the last day they ever spent together? She swallows, remaining strong. "So, we called in sick, and spent the day together. Just inside our house…being homebodies, I guess."

Gordo chuckles, "I think we are all guilty of that at one point or another."

Holbrook agrees, "yeah. Just don't let head of police hear you say that."

A moment of silence passes over them. The lightness is gone from the room. She can tell the next question they are about to address will be serious. Important.

"We are not sure yet what has happened here, so please do not panic."

Is he serious? She is already panicking. _Her husband is missing._

"But is there anyone…who, how do you put this, is there anyone who would have it out for your husband?"

Spencer sucks in a sharp breath, feeling her heart plummet at the word. Just to hear the question asked; to have the phrase thrown in her direction. It makes it so much more real.

"Um… he's—he's a very kind person. He doesn't get on people's bad sides easily," Spencer feels the words exit her mouth. She isn't even sure it is _she_ who is saying them. How can she even manage to voice a syllable when her whole entire being is plummeting into complete darkness? "He—in high school, his step sister, Jenna. She was… she was," she feels uncomfortable saying it with Hanna next to her. It feels _impossible _to tell the officers. Spencer is the only one he has ever opened up to in regards to his step sister. She had mentioned to her friends before that Toby had his reasons to hate his step sister, but she never actually said why. She always had just said that Jenna had made his life a living hell. But now she feels she has to unearth the secret. She has to open up to these people that neither she nor Toby even knows, so they can help him. "She was obsessed with him…" she concludes uneasily.

The thought of Jenna having Toby right now causes nausea to boil up in her chest. Hot bile runs up her throat. She forces herself to swallow it.

"Has she shown any of these qualities recently? Does your husband ever see her—since she is his stepsister, and all?" Gordo inquires.

"He does his best to avoid her. I think the last time he saw her was at his father's Christmas party three Christmases ago."

"Did she seem…_unhinged_ to you?

Spencer shrugs lightly. "We announced our engagement. That's why we went…to announce our engagement. She seemed…annoyed. But…she didn't cause any trouble."

They both nod. They pass her a piece of paper. "If you don't mind spelling out her name."

Spencer writes down Jenna's full name, passing the paper back to them after.

"We'll look into it. Anyone else?"

Spencer is the one with enemies. Not Toby. Toby is sweet, loving, and caring. Who would ever want to… she can't even say the word.

"I don't…I don't think so," she says, feeling completely inadequate. "Like I said, Toby is a very kind person. He isn't someone who has a lot of enemies."

"If you can think of anyone else, let us know," Gordo says.

"All right…"

"Do you have any questions?"

_Where is my husband? _is definitely one of them. _Is he okay?_

"No."

"Okay, well then," Holbrook picks up a manila folder off the table and straightens its contents. "That's all the questions we have for you at this time. In the morning we will have more details. We are sending out a search team tonight to inspect all the routes your husband could have taken to pick up your order." Then he stops himself, "actually… you can help us some more. Is there any specific route your husband usually takes?"

Spencer nods. Then she goes on to tell them the directions from their house to _Hong Chow_. Like everything else, it is all recorded on the small, rectangular box in the middle of the table.

"Thank you. That will certainly help." Holbrook stands up, along with his partner.

Spencer follows suit, keeping her eyes attached to Holbrook. "So, that's it? That's all you're asking me?"

Holbrook grimaces slightly, "since there was no home invasion, or anything… well, there isn't many questions we have right now. We need more info to form better questions."

"So…so what am I supposed to do now? _Go home?_" she harshly throws the inquisition at him.

Gordo places an empathetic hand on her shoulder, "Spencer, we are trying our best right now to find your husband. Until then, you just have to get some rest."

"You can come home with me," Hanna ravels an arm around her friend's waist. Spencer reluctantly lets her guide her out of the interrogation room and into the main foyer.

Hanna has called a variety of people. Her parents are here, looking impatient and fidgety. Next to them are Aria and Emily, her best friends, who look concerned and worrisome. Caleb, Hanna's husband and Toby's close friend stands off to the side, his arms crossed and his head ducked down. Well, it _was _ducked down before Spencer made her appearance.

They all look at her with pitiful, worrisome stares. She looks at her feet, unable to face their sympathy. Her hands scrunch the bottom of the loose shirt, squeezing the fabric between her fingers. Maybe if she grips the fabric hard enough she will somehow make Toby reappear.

Hanna's hold on her continues as they step forward. Her parents, ever so gracefully, march up to the officers, going on about one thing or another. Emily and Aria huddle near her, taking any limb they can get a handle on. Caleb remains at the sidelines, frowning.

Suddenly she is breaking down. She can't keep it together anymore. She promised herself she would stay strong until she was out of the police station, but she just _broke. _Aria's arms are wrapped around her, her hands cradling her head. "It's gonna be okay, Spence," Aria repeats over and over in a tender whisper.

Hanna goes off to Caleb, probably telling him that she is staying with them tonight. Through blurred vision, she sees Caleb nodding before wrapping his arms around his wife in an attempt at solace.

Caleb and Hanna have a six month year old at home. She momentarily wonders how Caleb had found a babysitter so quickly on such a spare notice. He probably had to pay big bucks.

Caleb and Toby have grown to be good friends over the years. They had met through Spencer and Hanna, but had discovered quickly they had much more to bond over.

Then there's Emily, whom without, she would have never met her husband. Emily is very close with Toby. She always has been. Like Caleb, she loves Toby too.

Hanna and Aria, and her parents— they all like Toby. They appreciate him and care for him, but they don't know him like Spencer does. Like Caleb and Emily do. Hanna and Aria may be distraught and saddened by the news, but they are quite far off from what Spencer is feeling. At least Emily and Caleb are somewhat near her devastation and grief, but even _they_ are miles off, completely desolated from the scorching pain within her.

She whimpers Emily's name, wrapping her limp arms around the slightly taller girl. She immediately catches her, her slender fingers stroking through her auburn air. Spencer needs someone who understands her pain right now. Aria still subsides beside her, her hand on her shoulder. Aria encloses her arms around the two girls, perhaps consoling them both; realizing Emily is hurting too in Toby's absence.

But even with her two best friends solace, she cannot stop sobbing. Her mind has been completely washed out with pathetic, overpowering tears. Every function is off circuit; everything going berserk, drowning in her never ending cry.

There are only two people capable of halting her sobs.

Herself.

And Toby.

But both of those people seem lost. Toby, physically. Spencer, spiritually; emotionally.

Her bawling drones on, leaving her stomach clenching and her throat scratchy. She needs to find it in herself to stop. She needs to stop.

But right now, she is too weak to do that herself. She needs _Toby._

Her mind goes back to the last time she was in this state. Toby had been there that time to provide was just a few weeks ago, yet it seems like so much longer back.

_Spencer rubs her temples, trying to diminish the duress building inside her. Staring at their bills, she feels completely overwhelmed. They had recently invested in a new (not-really-new-two year-old) truck for Toby. His decade and a half old truck had finally gone out on him. He desperately needed a new one after a couple weeks of complete chaos. _

_It's not Toby's fault. Not at all. She does not blame him whatsoever. They would have been fine if their washing machine had not simultaneously stopped working at the same time as his truck. _

_She lets out an agitated groaning, sigh before letting her face fall into her hands._

_A moment later, a warm, familiar feeling hand is rubbing her back and neck. She didn't even hear him come into the room. She snaps her head up, trying on a grin. But it doesn't set right. It is obviously a façade._

_He frowns, and sits in the seat next to her. He grabs her hands in his, his fingers rubbing over hers. "What's wrong?" he asks._

_"It's just…the bills," she closes her eyes for a second, relinquishing in the feeling of his skin on hers. The contact of him and her. It makes everything seem a little bit better. "They're really piling up."_

_"It's going to be okay. We'll work through it," he pledges to her before brushing his lips against the knuckles of her hands. "But I don't think that's what's bothering you…"_

_And it's not. She actually sat down to budget to clear her head of what **was** really bothering her. Budgeting always takes her mind off things. Along with all the rest of her work. Maybe that's why she never really minded work that much._

_She shrugs, pulling her hands away from him. She begins to put back the papers in their rightful folders, brushing Toby's accusation off. "There's nothing else to really say about it."_

_"Spencer," he says tenderly, "you have barely said _anything _about it. You have to be thinking _something._"_

_She sighs, forgetting the papers and turning to her husband instead. "I'm _thinking_ I should have married someone a little less caring, and a bit more oblivious."_

_He cocks his head to the side, obviously not pleased with her response. Although there is a hint of amusement at the line of his slight, curled up lips. "Spencer."_

_She frowns, shrugging again. "Toby you know better than anyone that this isn't some huge, giant surprise. I've been disappointing my parents since before I could even crawl."_

_"Just because you're used to something doesn't mean you deserve to be treated that way."_

_She sucks in a labored breath, her eyes slightly watering. She doesn't deserve someone like Toby; someone so loving and caring and adoring. She has made so many dire mistakes in her life. She has done so many awful things. Why does she get to have such a big portion of heaven beside her?_

_"They're so old fashioned. Get a job, get married, have kids. I _still _get the vibe from them that they don't think what I do is a real job; that they're just waiting for me to stop playing designer, and go back to school for law…" she drones on, keeping her eyes downcast. "And now they are badgering me about having kids, and playing the 'I told you so' card when I say that we aren't financially equipped for that right now…" she finally connects her auburn irises to his crystal orbs. _

_He places a hand on her cheek, his thumb brushing away a tear she didn't know she had shed until now. She sighs. Her parents just don't understand. She has wanted to try for kids for some time now, but the universe obviously is not on board with that plan. It is throwing every crisis their way, as if their child would be the antichrist or something. _

_"I want to have a child. I do," she murmurs breathily, placing her hand over her husband's. "I want to have _your _child, but…"_

_"Spencer, you don't have to explain to me," he reminds her in a steady, soft voice. "I know. We both agreed that we'd wait until we are a little more stable. I know that we keep pushing that back, but we'll get there," he promises, stroking the side her face with his knuckles. "We are doing the right thing. Your parents are just impatient, and want more grandkids. They don't understand that you are doing what makes you happy. If they understood that, they'd be more supportive. I know it. I see how much they love you. They're not that great at showing it, but it's definitely there."_

_A tiny, timid smile reaches her lips at his declaration. One more tear falls from the corner of her eye. She quickly swipes it away before Toby has a chance to. "I just… I'm sorry. I can't believe I'm crying over this," she chuckles ruefully, shaking her head._

_He kisses her nose, making her tiny, creeping smile expand. He nuzzles his nose against hers before pressing his forehead against his wife's. "No need to apologize, Spence," he states in a warm, reassuring tone. _

_She sucks in a deep breath, feeling overwhelmed with his radiant love. She had been in such a brooding, sorrowful mood before. How is it possible that Toby can so easily guide her back to light? _

_"Well, then, thank you."_

_"No need to thank me either…" he responds._

_"Hmm," she hums. "What if I thanked you like this…" she purrs softly, the words barely making it into his ears. She pushes her lips against his, her hands coiling around his neck. She slides her tongue over his, sucking on his bottom lip before pulling away. "Then would you accept my gratitude?" she taunts flirtatiously._

_ "Mmm," he moans slightly, "well… if you put it that way…" he smiles before pressing his lips to hers. They kiss avidly until breathing is no longer expendable, leaving them both panting, but still seeking more. _

_Toby stands up wordlessly, causing his wife to grin._

_"What are you doing?" her curious, cheery voice is accompanied by a giddy smile._

_He smiles mischievously before leaning down, and picking her up in his arms. She quickly obliges, throwing her arms around his neck and feet around his waist._

"Spencer," Hanna's voice snaps her back to reality. She sniffles, wiping her cheeks and eyes and everything else to rid of the tears. She has finally stopped bawling her eyes out.

"You ready to go?" Hanna asks softly.

Spencer nods. Emily and Aria let go of her arms, and she walks with Hanna to her car. Hanna tells her that Emily and Aria will be staying over for the night too. Spencer doesn't say anything in response. Her friends can't make this better. As much as they want to, they can't. There's nothing they can do or say that will release the excruciating pain that wrenches inside her. They can't fix this. They can't fix _her_.

She'll just continue to be broken until Toby's return.


	4. Chapter 4

**a/n:** i'm so so so so sorry for the slow update. I wanted to upload sooner this weekend, but there was a power outage! And before that...well, I had a lot of stuff going on. But I'm back to regular updates now, I promise! :)

Thanks soooo so much for the reviews ! You guys are _amazing. _I adore you all! Pleaaaaaaaaaase keep them coming. They are so motivating, and I don't just mean for this story, I mean just for LIFE in general. They honestly get me through my days sometimes, okay? So please leave a review! :) I don't mean to be annoying, but come on, it takes like one minute. Usually less ? Matters what you say I guess. But w/e thanks for reading/favorite/whatever else! LOVE YOU GUYS!

Any theories yet!? Or still too early? HAHA you still don't know anything so I mean?

~This chapter has something you may not be pleased with. Sorry bbs~

* * *

Chapter 4

July 14, 2005

Last night they went clubbing with Emily's girlfriend, Maya. Spencer had excused herself from drinking. She had been nauseous and achy almost the whole day yesterday. She wasn't about to put herself through that two days in a row. Hanna had a different idea though. She was all for getting drunk again. She said she would take it slow and easy, but by 11PM Hanna was complaining of nausea and dizziness. The night was cut short then. Spencer had driven them back to the apartment afterwards, dropping off a tipsy Maya off beforehand.

Spencer is an early riser. Her internal clock never takes a vacation. So she is not surprised when she wakes up at 8:30AM. She tries to go back to sleep, but it's pretty pointless. Emily's blinds hardly do their job. Vast sunlight spills into the room, making it impossible to ignore.

Spencer eventually just gives up on trying to go back to sleep. It's 9:25 now, and she's pretty sure Emily nor Hanna will be up for another couple hours. This always used to happen at their sleepovers. Spencer would wake up way before them and have no idea what to do with herself. If it was at her house, she would simply leave them in them room, and go about her daily routine. But if the sleepover had been held at one of their abodes, she would find herself just lying there, praying they wake up soon. Eventually she just started going home. Why wait for them to wake up?

But she can't go home right now. There is about three hundred miles stopping her.

Spencer has never been shy. She has always easily made small talk with others. But this just feels…strange. Like she is invading their home.

Eventually she gains her courage and departs from the room.

She immediately regrets her decision when she see's Alex, only in a towel, just a few feet away from her. She had heard the shower a little while ago. It must have been him. _Well, obviously. _

His dark ringlets drop pellets of water on his shoulders, and down his chest. She snaps away from him, turning to her feet. "I'm sorry," she mumbles, meeting his cocoa eyes. He's smiling now.

"Its fine, no worries," he offers. "I'm not shameful."

She had another conversation with him yesterday. It was short and trivial, but at least they were making an effort to be friendly.

"Good. That's such a relief," she puts forth, sighing contently. "Now I won't feel the need to avoid you."

"I'm glad. I wouldn't that to happen." She is pretty sure he's flirting.

She sucks in breath, looking away. She is also pretty sure she is blushing. It doesn't help that he is still just in a towel. "Yeah, well, I'll let you put on clothes now…"

He laughs before retreating down the hall and into his room. She sighs.

_Good going, Spencer._

She hopes Alex doesn't bring this up. Hanna will go nuts if she finds out about this incident.

Alex eats breakfast with her, conversing in small talk about some band they both like, before going off to work at the club. By the time Alex leaves, the clock reads 10:21. Emily and Hanna will still be out for awhile.

She decides to take a shower. She hasn't taken one since the day she got here. She usually takes them every day, wanting to feel clean as she possibly can. But for whatever reason, she had neglected her hygiene yesterday. Maybe she was just having too much fun to think about it.

…

When she comes out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around her drenched hair and new clothes harnessed around her body, she hears movements coming from the kitchen. She wonders briskly who it is, but as she opens the door to Emily's room, the mystery is solved. Emily and Hanna are both still in bed, looking the exact same as she left them—Hanna snuggling into Emily's shoulder, and Emily's leg nearly off the bed. And since Alex went to work, there is only one person it can be. _Toby._

She quickly and silently puts her stuff away before shaking out her hair from the towel to brush it out. After a few minutes, she leaves her sleeping friends once again, and walks towards the kitchen. Toby is preparing a sandwich.

It's about 11 now.

"Hello," he greets her politely.

"Hello." She says back, smiling sort of. She shifts her eyes to the sandwich he is preparing. "Having a sandwich for breakfast? That's unconventional."

"Actually, this is my lunch," he corrects. "I went to work at like 6. I just got back a few minutes ago."

"Oh, my bad," she frowns at the mishap. She rests her hands on the counter, watching him casually.

A couple moments pass without sound.

"You hungover?" he questions, glancing at her.

"_No. _No not again. I didn't drink anything last night. The thought of going through yet another day of nausea did _not_ sound appealing to me," she states.

A toothless smile of amusement graces on the man's face as he begins to cut up a tomato. "Seems like a wise decision," he notes kindly.

"I definitely don't regret it."

He chuckles a little at this, which prompts a tiny smile on her face.

He quickly finishes off his sandwich before offering her a part of it. "Do you want half of this?" he asks.

She shakes her head. "No, um, I ate already."

"You sure?"

She nods.

He takes a bite out of it afterward, and then begins to put things away. "You can watch TV if you like. You must be bored."

"I don't really think TV is going to help. Most TV these days is trash."

"Yeah, I agree," he nods. "Hmmm, have you ever seen any Hitchcock movies? I have, like, a whole entire s_et _of them if you're interested."

Her auburn eyes light up in complete excitement. "I _love _those movies. I have seen almost all of them. I've probably watched _The Birds _at least six times."

"I probably have seen _all _of them over six times," a smile grows on his face, his luminous eyes radiating with eagerness. "Those are like the only movies I can rewatch."

She grins widely at him. "Well, yeah, if you didn't quite catch on, I would _love _to watch a Hitchcock movie."

"Want to watch _The Birds_?" he asks.

"We don't have to watch my favorite," she shakes her head to dismiss him. "We can watch yours."

"No, I haven't watched _The Birds_ in awhile. Really, it's cool," he promises.

"If you insist," she puts forth lightly. "But what _is _your favorite, out of curiosity?" she ponders aloud, sucking on her bottom lip.

"I'm pretty much on the bandwagon of almost every Hitchcock fan. _Psycho."_

"Well, it's a lot of people's favorite for a reason…" she offers wisely. "It's pretty great."

He smiles attentively at her. "It is. I'll go get the movie now," he says. "Just make yourself comfortable on the couch. And if you want any snacks, go ahead."

"Okay," she nods, watching him retreat down the hall.

She goes to sit on the couch, waiting for him. She makes herself comfortable, bringing her legs underneath her. Toby comes back not even a minute later with _The Birds _VHS tape. He goes to grab his sandwich from the kitchen, setting it on the coffee table before setting up the TV and VHS player.

As he squats down to push in the VHS into the player, his shirt rides up a little. She knows she is horrible for gawking at him, but she can't stop herself from checking him out. He stands back up, turning around. She straightens her posture, feeling self conscious. She smiles a little at him. He smiles back.

He sits on the other side of his couch, picking up the remote to get to the channel. "I've gotten Emily into Hitchcock," he claims proudly. "Now she loves them."

Spencer gapes a little. She has tried so many times to get her best friend into his films, but she never has obliged. "Really? Wow, she was very unwilling for me…"

He shoots a somewhat smirk towards her before shrugging. "It took a _lot _of persistence."

Spencer rolls her eyes. "Yeah, whatever, I see who she likes more."

He chuckles goodheartedly at this. She's glad he understands her humor. Some don't.

The movie eventually comes on, forcing them to stop their inconsistent conversation. Both of they completely become embarked in the film, getting lost in the world of Hitchcock together.

About half way through, Emily and Hanna wake up.

"Why am I not surprised?" Emily amusedly says upon finding the two with their eyes and ears pasted to the TV.

"Emily I can't believe you like Hitchcock now. And that you didn't tell me!" she exclaims.

Emily rolls her eyes before moving over to the kitchen.

"Ew. Old movies," Hanna notes groggily before following Emily's footsteps.

Spencer rolls her eyes at Hanna. She doesn't know how to appreciate good cinema.

They end up restarting the movie so Emily and Hanna can see it from the start. Emily hasn't seen this Hitchcock film yet, and Hanna has never seen any. She complains for the first thirty minutes on how she doesn't want to watch "_some prehistoric movie with bad graphics_," but eventually gives in, and actually learns to _enjoy_ the movie.

After it's over, Spencer's tempted to ask if they can watch another, but she knows Emily and Hanna have had enough. But come on, Toby has a whole collection!

But in the end, she just keeps her mouth shut. He probably has things to do anyway. Besides, Emily and Hanna want to go shopping around town. Apparently there are a lot of vintage stores that Emily thinks they would enjoy.

So after Hanna and Emily get ready, they are off.

…

They spend most of the day strolling around the downtown area. They end the day out by going to a small, family owned restaurant on the edge of town, one Emily adores. After dinner they return to the apartment to find Toby and presumably his girlfriend eating dinner on the couch, Alex on recliner chair beside them looking bored.

Emily quickly introduces them to the girl on the couch.

"This is Spencer and Hanna," she uses hand gestures. "They are my best friends from high school. I don't know if Toby told you, but they are staying with us for the next two weeks," she states. "Guys," she glances at her two best friends. "This is Polly," she tells them. "Toby's girlfriend."

They all greet each other politely, smiling and murmuring hellos.

She mostly just looks like your normal pretty girl. She isn't skinny, but she's not fat either. Her hair is dirty blonde, almost ashy. It probably was once blonde. Her cheeks are plump and her lips full, easily taking the award for her best feature. Lastly, under her blue glasses are small, beady, brown eyes.

They go into Emily's room after to put away all their stuff and then stay there for awhile, mostly because of how crowded it is outside the door.

They lounge in Emily's room for awhile, doing nothing. Hanna paints her nails, Spencer attempts to read her book (but it's rather hard with Hanna making an arbitrary comment every five minutes,) and Emily surfs the web on her laptop. Spencer is pretty content on what they are doing right now (although she does wish Hanna would keep her mouth shut), but Hanna, with her squirrel attention span, is _not. _She wants to do something.

"Come on," she says. "You gotta have something fun we can do."

"Want to play Monopoly?" Emily offers. "I can ask if the others want to play."

"Oooh, yes!" Hanna sits up straight, a smile widening out on her face. "Let's play!"

"Spence?"

"Sure," she shrugs. "It's not like I can actually get any reading done with Hanna's constant babble…"

"What are you even reading? It's _Summer_."

"It's not for school, Hanna," she stares incredulously at her friend.

Hanna looks appalled by this. "Then why _read _it?" disgust paints out on her face.

"Personal enjoyment?"

"Books do not provide enjoyment," Hanna states with confidence.

"Guys, stop fighting," Emily butts in, always the peacemaker. "Are we going to play or not?" she inquires.

"Yes!" they both shout back in union.

Emily rolls her eyes slightly before getting up to retrieve the game. She goes out to living room, her friends following her, to ask if the others want to join in on the game of Monopoly. Alex easily says yes, while Toby and his girlfriend murmur quietly on if they want to play.

"I think I'll just watch," Polly says somewhat uncomfortable. "I'm leaving soon, anyways…" she leads on. "But you can play," she mumbles to Toby.

"I don't have to," he counters.

"No, just play, go ahead. I'll just be on your team."

Spencer feels odd just starring at them so she adverts her eyes and focuses on her shoes instead.

Polly ends up not playing, and just helping out Toby instead. No one mentions the injustice of this.

They set up the game, and Emily gives the role of the banker to Spencer, while Hanna gets the job of card holder, which Spencer is pretty sure is not a real thing, but who cares if it makes her happy, right? Alex seems less bored now, and makes an effort to flirt with her over her math skills. Spencer blushes, but quickly gains control once she realizes Hanna is smirking at her.

Spencer is the thimble. Hanna is the shoe. Toby is the wheelbarrow. Alex is the racecar. And Emily chooses from the last remaining pieces, grabbing the Scottish dog.

They roll to see who goes first, and with the worst of luck, Spencer rolls the lowest amount. She goes last, while Hanna goes first, Toby goes second, Alex goes third and Emily goes second to last.

Hanna rolls a four, landing herself on the "pay 200 or ten percent." Too lazy to do the math, Hanna just throws two hundred in the middle of the board. "We're playing with free market right?" she questions.

"Free parking," Spencer corrects almost automatically.

"Whatever. We're playing with it," she decides.

Toby rolls doubles, which means he gets to go twice. She grits her teeth in annoyance. By the time she gets to her turn, all the properties will be taken. Toby gets _Oriental Avenue _and _Pennsylvania Railroad_, which prompts his girlfriend to congratulate him and wrap an arm around his shoulder.

Alex lands him on chance, which ultimately takes him to _Boardwalk,_ making Spencer seethe. Emily buys Pennsylvania railroad, which means two of the four railroads are taken. So far things are not going well for her.

She rolls doubles, but her first roll lands on Toby's property, eliciting ten dollars from her stack of money. She reluctantly hands her money over to him, watching as slight amusement flickers through his saucer eyes.

She rolls again, this time landing on one of the still up for grabs, orange properties. _Thank God._

…

"This isn't fair!" Hanna complains. "If I hadn't traded my green property with you, then you wouldn't have been able to do this. I didn't know you had both! Otherwise I wouldn't have been so stupid to give it to you!"

Spencer had managed to convince Hanna to give her the green property Hanna had owned. Hanna was running out of money, and needed it _fast. _Spencer had given her four hundred and fifty dollars for the property. Hanna was not aware that earlier in the game, Spencer had traded Alex her magenta property for his green property. Spencer still isn't quite sure why Alex had cooperated in that trade. It definitely wasn't fair deal.

"Hanna you would have been out in a few minutes anyway," Emily swoops in. "Almost all your properties are on mortgage, and you had, like, seventy five dollars left."

"Yeah, but now Spencer gets all my property," she huffs gallingly. "Now she is going to win!"

Spencer smirks over at Hanna boastfully, receiving a middle finger in return. The brunette rolls her eyes good naturally at her friend.

"I think I still have a fair shot," Alex argues with a boyish grin. "You better watch yourself, Hastings," he warns, his deep coffee eyes gleaming with flirtation.

Her lips rise up into a small smile, "yeah? We'll see about that," she shoots back.

She doesn't even bother to glance at Hanna. She knows with complete certainty that her friend is making a suggestive expression right now.

"Let's just finish up," Emily says. "I don't think Hanna can last long just watching us… Who's turn is it?" she asks.

But before anyone claims the dice, Polly interrupts. "I think I'm going to go. Sorry to interrupt, I just didn't want to wait to another interval…" she decrees, mostly looking at Toby. "Good luck, sweetie," the woman places a short kiss on his lips.

"Thanks. Um, I'll walk you out." The couple steps up, their hands locked together in union.

Spencer stares away, feeling as though she is invading their privacy.

"I think it's Toby's turn," Alex says with slight irritation.

"I guess we will just wait then. Do you guys want any snacks?"

"Do you have cheesy puffs?" Hanna becomes suddenly interested in the conversation.

Emily laughs, nodding. She stands up from her cross legged position on the floor, "yeah, come on, in the kitchen…"

Hanna quickly jolts up, following Emily into the kitchen, leaving Spencer alone with Alex.

"You're really good at this game," Alex compliments after a moment of silence.

"Can I tell you a secret?" she prompts. He leans closer, an eagerness sparkling in his dark eyes.

"Definitely."

"I thought I was going to lose," she whispers. "I had a pretty rough start."

"Which only proves just how great a player you are," he notes.

She flutters her eyes down, feeling blush rise to her cheeks. "I guess so," she murmurs.

When she looks back up, he is leaning even closer to her. A boyish grin dances out on his golden face, making her heart go rapid. She is almost sure he has moved closer.

Tension hangs between them. She will _not _kiss him with Hanna around. She is _not _going through the embarrassment that her best friend will strike upon her. If Hanna sees her kissing him then—

His lips are on her own, and all reasoning to not kiss him back fades into the background.

Like all first kisses, it is simple and innocent. Sparks fly. Hearts race. All is well in the world.

They pull away a moment later.

"Sorry, I've been wanting to do that since I saw you…" he explains. "I hope I'm not too forward."

"You're not forward at all," she promises softly.

She glances at Hanna and Emily, who quickly turn away, pretending they hadn't seen anything. She slightly rolls her eyes at this.

"Thank God," he sighs. "I wouldn't want you thinking low of me."

"You don't have to worry about that," she murmurs back.

Hanna and Emily come back a few minutes later with a bowl of cheesy puffs, along with Toby, this time without Polly attached to his hip.

"Finally!" Emily smiles broadly at him. "It's your turn! You've been stalling the whole game."

"Oh god, I'm sorry," he apologizes bashfully, sitting down on the couch next to Emily.

"Apologize later, roll now," Spencer calls out, receiving a look of disapproval from Emily. Spencer just looks at her innocently, silently questioning what she did wrong. Emily shakes her head and looks away. The short telepathic conversation is over.

The game continues.

After about twenty minutes, Alex takes fourth place, while Toby takes all his property and money. Spencer is going to have to beat him out before he takes all of Alex's properties off mortgage.

Eventually Alex gets bored and goes to bed. He says goodbye to them all, giving Spencer a sort of, knowing, flirtatious smirk before going on his way. She feels slightly flustered by this, but it quickly passes once it's her turn.

After what seems like forever (thirty minutes) Emily is finally out, leaving just her and Toby in the game. She has most of the property due to kicking both Hanna and Emily out, but Toby had the most properties to begin with. After he made Alex go bankrupt, he owned almost half of the property. But now that she has Emily's properties, she has more. She can beat him. It's going to be easy now.

Except it's not.

They continue somehow skirting around each other's hotels. Occasionally they'll land on each other's space, but it will be the spaces with only a couple houses. It will be on the magenta properties, or the light blue properties. They aren't cashing big money. They just have to put a few things on mortgage, and they are good to pay.

It continues like this for awhile.

So long that it chases Emily and Hanna away.

"This is taking _forever," _Hanna groans. "Can't you just call it a tie?" she bargains.

"One of us is bound to go bankrupt eventually."_And_ _It will be Toby, _she thinks. "Just give us a few more minutes…" Spencer's voice trails. She snaps her toffee eyes up to the man across from her, "that's fine with you, right?"

"To keep playing?" he prompts.

She nods.

"Well, I'm not going to forfeit…" he puts forth, smiling sort of.

Hanna groans. "Well, I'm going to bed."

"It's 11:30?" Spencer shoots her a look of disbelief. "Since when do you go to bed at 11:30?" she asks.

"I'm tired. OK?" she barks out, standing up.

"Yeah, I actually think I'm going to hit the hay too, guys…" Emily starts apprehensively. "I've exhausted. I should not have gone out with that hangover…" she claims.

Spencer scoffs as they begin to make their exit. "I can't believe them," she starts. "They _always_ complain that I go to bed early. Well, who's the party pooper now?"

Toby has a toothless smile panning out below his nose; amusement swallowing his whole entire persona.

She quickly changes the subject, feeling somewhat embarrassed over her word choice. Just the look on his face… makes her flustered. She clears her throat, "so, hmm it's my turn, right?" she questions.

He nods, "yes. It is."

They continue playing, going through the same pattern as before.

Finally, by midnight, Spencer lands on _Boardwalk_, where Toby has placed a hotel by the way, and she knows he has won. There is no way she has enough to pay the fee.

But she tries anyway.

She actually comes pretty close. She is only seventeen dollars short.

"I was beginning to think this would never end," he puts forth truthfully.

She gives a stiff, apprehensive nod as they put away the game.

He catches on to her annoyance, and becomes amused by it.

"I forgot how much I like this game…" he starts.

She shoots him a glare, which makes him chuckle quietly. They continue putting the pieces away silently.

After the game is put away, Toby sighs a little.

"Well, good night." He begins to sit up from the couch, but her voice pushes him back down in his seat.

"Wait," she stops him, "you're going to bed?"

He looks puzzled. And of course he does. Why would he stay up?

"You aren't?" he prompts.

She shrugs, "I'm not that tired," she admits sheepishly. "But I mean… no, I'll be fine," she claims, meeting his eyes. "Go. I was being presumptuous."

He sits with a thoughtful expression for a few moments.

She stares wearily at him. He said he was going to bed.

"If you're not tired… I can let you watch one of my Hitchcock movies. I mean, I know they aren't exactly the best bed time stories but…"

"That's actually be really awesome," she states eagerly. "Thank you," she smiles gratefully.

"All right, I'll go get them. I'll let you choose which one you want to watch."

He goes to retrieve the movie, and she sits up from the floor, and goes to take a seat on the couch instead. When he comes back, he has five VCR tapes with him. He sets them out in the middle cushion, placing them between them.

"Which one do you think I should watch?" she asks after a moment, flicking her eyes up at him curiously.

"Well, I told you my favorite was Psycho already…" he responds.

"So, _Psycho_?" she cracks a grin.

He nods with a coy smile. "Yes, _Psycho_."

She laughs slightly afterwards. He goes to put the VHS in for her, and she is surprised when he sits back down.

"I thought you were going to bed?" she questions.

"I am. I'm just…setting up for you."

"I'm pretty sure I could figure it out," she counters, trying not to sound too harsh. Sometimes she can do that.

He doesn't seem offended though.

"Okay, yes. I just _love_ the beginning," he confesses shamefacedly.

She laughs again at this slightly, which prompts a grin from him. "I'm not a film junkie, all right? I just really love this movie."

"I understand," she offers. "I'm not judging, okay? When I was fourteen, I watched _To Have and Not Have _three times in one weekend."

"You like that movie too?" he questions excitedly.

"It's, like, my favorite," she admits, a broad smile raveling out on her lips. "You like it?" she implores, trying not to get _too_ excited over it.

"It's great! I read the book, not even knowing it was movie. Then like a year later, I saw it was on TV. I completely went insane trying to find a copy to watch from the beginning."

"I could have helped you with that. I have it on VHS, DVD, recorded on my DVR… you name it. Ugh, I wish I brought it now!"

"Well, maybe it's for the better. I think we would drive Emily and Hanna, and probably Alex too, insane."

"Probably," she murmurs contently.

The music begins to play on the TV.

"Well, it's starting…" she states. "Well, obviously it's starting…" she attempts to fix her idiotic statement with something just as idiotic, probably _more _idiotic. "I'll just shut up now," she promises.

He smiles at her, making her feel not so dumb.

They watch the movie in silence, both intrigued and engulfed in the story that they have witnessed multiple times before.

Almost two hours later, the credits begin to roll in. Toby still remains a cushion over from her, wide awake.

"I don't know what _you _considering as the beginning… but I definitely think we've passed that point," she looks over to him.

He laughs at this, sighing a little. "I know. But I don't know… I just… I couldn't walk away. And honestly, I'm completely awake right now."

She takes a second to respond. "Me too actually," she admits.

A moment later, he proposes an idea. "We could watch another?" he suggests shyly. A moment later he shakes his head. "What is it 2AM? Sorry. By the time we finish it will be, like, 4."

"Yeah. We probably shouldn't…" she puts forth after a minute. "Haven't you been up since, like, 6 anyway?" she questions.

"Yes. I don't know how I'm still _alive_ right now," he confesses.

She laughs at this.

"You don't have to get up at 6 again, do you!?" she is suddenly on the verge of terror.

He chuckles. "No. Don't worry. I have no obligations tomorrow. I would have no problem sleeping until 12."

She ponders upon her options for a moment.

"So…" she starts. "You _do _want to watch another?" she questions.

He shrugs lazily, "I'm up for it if you are." A slight challenge lingers in his eyes.

She nods, "all right. Let's do it. Your pick."

* * *

a/n: WHAT DID YOU THINK!? tell me lol ! but also _The Birds_ and _To Have and Have Not _are BASICALLY spoby movies. SO. The Birds was in 4x06 (based w/e i don't know) and the "you know how to whistle, don't you?" so YEAH? Also scrabble will one day come into play... no worries.

This chapter was kind of boring but? Development ?


	5. Chapter 5

**a/n: **hey! so yeah, I'm probably going to update every week! So, on Sundays basically. :)

Thank you for the reviews! I love you guys. Seriously. You all leave such grand reviews. I'm so glad you are enjoying this! I am really glad that all of you understand that things take time and development and there are obstacles. Like you guys are soooo great ? wow. And I will try to never make you guys wait again. :) but I can be dumb, ok. I know I said I would reply to every single one but I suck? And last time I was in a rush. And right now, I'm WAY too exhausted to even make sense. So. I'm sorry. I suck :p

Also, I'm REALLY annoying, but ~~~~ seriously ~ tell me what you think of this. I guess I'm just /ugh/ because this got SOOO many reviews on the first chapter, and now i feel like it's kind of declining in reviews hahaha? Like. I don't know. I just get worried that I'm boring you guys. And also, I just really want to know if I HAVE lost any readers? Like I basically just want to get a feel on who is reading? Okay!? I mean, I'm gonna update no matter what, but it's just nice to get reviews. lol.

Anyways, enough of my complaining. I'm pretty sure half of you don't even read the author note. This chapter is shorter than the others. Sorry.

* * *

**Chapter 5**

October 22, 2013

The AM

;

How the hell is she supposed to _sleep? _How is she supposed to shut her eyes, and drift into unconscious, when Toby is missing? When _her _Toby, her best friend, her soul mate — if there's such a thing —, _the love of her life _is _gone? _Gone. Just gone. No note. No warning. No goodbye. Just _gone._

It's impossible to sleep. Sleep is something she knows nothing of right now. She has completely forgotten the instinct. She has no concept of the mindless ability. What is sleep? How do you even _begin _to sleep, to shut off your mind, when this horrible, god damned mess is happening? She is pretty sure her reticular formation, the part of the brain that is in control of all basic functions, is completely out of whack; leaving her in a complete loss.

How is the world still going when hers has come to a complete, abrupt halt; throwing her off her seat, banging her head against the wall, falling on her face, stop. How is the world moving forward? How can anyone go on with their lives, when she is at such a standstill? When minutes for her feels like millenniums. When the hours never end, and the sun never rises?

"They'll find him."

That's what Hanna kept telling her. She kept repeating it as if the faulty promise will ever help at all. Even if the promise is true. Even if the promise comes to be. What if they find him _dead? _What if she never gets to _talk _to him again? What if she never gets to apologize for making a stupid bet—for making him get the dumb take out. She could have done it. She could have gone _with _him. Then maybe, at least, they'd be together.

Regret. Guilt. Sadness. Panic. Depression.

It becomes a cycle. These emotions become the abstractions of her most coherent thoughts. Coherent thoughts that aren't even coherent at all because who the hell could ever even understand? Understand the pain and suffering and endless mount of panic she feels? Only she can understand. The thoughts are only coherent to her, which makes her question if they are even coherent at all?

Her phone goes off at 4AM.

Everyone, with tired eyes, watches her pick it up. Fear sprinkles all across their faces. They are obviously suspecting potential bad news.

"Hello," she greets breathily.

"Hey, it's Officer Holbrook, sorry, didn't mean to wake you-,"

"I wasn't sleeping."

"Okay, well, um," he sucks in a breath, clearly not knowing what to say. "We found something. If you could come down to the police station…" he states.

"What is it?" she demands. "Tell me!"

"Spencer if you could just come down, please."

"Why can't you just tell me now!?" she loses it. She is tired of being polite. Tired of acting like she has this under control when she so clearly does not. How the hell can she? "God dammit, just tell me."

"Please just come down."

She grits her teeth, "fine."

They go down to the police station. Well, Caleb stays home to watch their daughter. It's way too late to call someone. Spencer understands.

But everyone else, Aria, Hanna, and Emily, come with her. For support.

Hanna drives them all. Spencer once again gets lost on the car way there, needing to be escorted into the police station by her friends.

When they get there, Officer Holbrook is standing at the desk, waiting for her arrival.

"Hello," he puts forth.

"Where is it? What do you want to show me?" she demands, ignoring his greeting. Ignoring her manners.

"Come this way," he states somberly. "Your friends may come if you want."

She nods to them, pleading in her mocha eyes. They all nod empathetically. Of course they'll come with her! They are her best friends.

They go into another room than before, but it's the same layout. It's an interrogation room.

On the table are a leather jacket, and a smashed cell phone. They are both in bags. The leather jacket is folded, but it's easy to tell whose it is still. And the phone, well it's smashed. It's been broken down in bits. But it's definitely Toby's.

She covers her mouth with her hands, falling into her friends' arms. The hold her tightly, shielding her from the objects.

God, if she is breaking down so much over this, how will she react to what's coming?

"It's his," she nods into Aria's shoulder, speaking to Officer Holbrook. "It's Toby's…" her voice expands out into a sob.

Holbrook sucks in a breath, nodding. "I'll give you sometime to process. And then we can discuss the rest."

He is about to leave, but she stops him. She swallows her sobs, and wipes at her face, pushing all the tears away she can. "No, tell me now. Please tell me now."

Most likely out of pity, Holbrook obeys. He nods, sighing. "Okay, let's sit down and talk about it."

Spencer and Hanna sit across from the man, while Emily and Aria stand on the sidelines of the room, watching intensely as the officer speaks.

"We found these in the woods," he states. "They weren't too far in," he shrugs. "Just a little off the road."

"They were inspecting the route you told us he would take," he says. "They found some glass in the road. We didn't get any calls about a car crash today, but…" he exhales. "As of right now, we are thinking it is definitely connected. Especially after finding the jacket and phone," he states.

Spencer swallows. "I don't—so what are you saying? That he went off the side of the road?"

"I'm not sure. But… it wouldn't make sense. Why would his jacket be found in the middle of the woods. Why would his phone be smashed?" he questions.

"So, you think…you think someone…"

"We don't have any theories right now. Not yet. But a whole team of guys are inspecting the area right now. If anything is out there, we will definitely find it."

She exhales shakily, staring at the table. "I want to help. I want to help in the search."

"Miss Hastings…" Holbrooke starts warningly. "What we need from you is trust. We need to be 100 percent honest with each other."

"I _have _been 100 percent honest," she hisses back.

"I'm not saying you haven't," he immediately denies. "But the only way we can go forth is with honesty. You need to trust us."

"Whatever it is I have to do for you to find my husband, I'll do it," she states firmly.

He nods. "Okay, the next thing we ask is for you to gather a few recent pictures of him. Pictures we can use to make fliers of. Put on bulletin boards…" he continues. "Someone is currently speaking to the local, metro news station; they are going to address the public on Toby's disappearance on all the times. They were planning to use his driver's license picture for that, but it's best to use a more recent picture."

"Okay. I'll get it," she nods. "Do you have an email…or something… I can send them to?"

"Yes. Of course," he nods. "I'll get the information for you," he tells her. "This will be very helpful. Little things make the biggest difference," he seems genuine with his words.

…

In order to get pictures of Toby, she needs her laptop. In order to get her laptop_, _she needs to go to their _house_. But she can't go in there right now. She can't bear walking into a place full of Toby. Not yet. If she goes inside, she'll completely break down, and she needs to remain calm. She needs to focus. She needs to be helpful. She needs to quit playing damsel.

So instead, she sends Hanna into the house to collect her laptop. Hanna, of course, obliges to this. She'll do anything to help her friend in a time like this.

As she waits outside for Hanna to come back with her laptop, she stares intensely at the house. _Their _house. Their _home._

_"Wait. Close your eyes."_

_"No!" she complains, glaring at him. "I've waited long enough. I'm not closing my eyes."_

_"Please."_

_"No." She displays her stubbornness openly. "This isn't _Extreme Home Makeover, _Toby. What's even the _point _of closing my eyes? I mean, isn't opening the door a surprise enough?!"_

_"Fine Stubborn," he reasons. "Don't close your eyes." He opens the door for her to walk into the house. He stares expectantly at her, waiting for her to go in, but she does not move._

_"Well, go," he orders, slightly amused._

_She bites her lip, trying to conceal her excitement. _

_"Really?" _

_He rolls his eyes in disbelief, gesturing with his hand for her to move forward._

_She nearly skips into the house, excitement radiating off of her. She marvels at the inside foyer, her copper eyes skimming around the area with curiosity and adoration. She is in absolute awe over the perfection that her husband has crafted. _

_"It's amazing," she states, breathless. Even the molding is exactly how she would have wanted it._

_"You literally have only seen a tiny fraction of it," he is suddenly beside her, looking down at her in amusement. "For all you know, the upstairs is completely atrocious."_

_"I highly doubt that," she slightly rolls her eyes, looking towards him with a playful smile._

_"Well, I hope you like full length windows in your bathroom…" _

_She rolls her eyes at his joke, smiling slightly at him in spite. "Does it have a full sun roof too?" she inspects._

_"Yes. It's actually kind of designed as a green house. Ya know, the whole thing being windows? I think you'll _really _like it."_

_She laughs. "Ah, yes, sounds perfect. Who needs privacy?_"

_He snickers with her, grabbing her by the waist, and pulling her in for kiss. She kisses him back eagerly, but briskly. She pulls away abruptly, leaving him hanging. "Take me on the rest of the tour," she murmurs, her mouth still adjacent with his own._

Hanna comes back shortly, the laptop in hand. Spencer immediately grabs for it, opening and signing in swiftly. Hanna, Emily and Aria just watch her, not knowing what to say or do.

Spencer sends the pictures of Toby to the address Holbrook had given her. With being so close to the house, she is still in contact with the wifi.

Hanna starts the car up after that and takes them back to her place.

After about fifteen minutes, Spencer calls Holbrook, making sure he got the pictures. He affirms that he got them, and tells her they will announce his disappearance on channel 3 at 5AM. It's currently 4:36.

"You guys don't have to stay," she tells her friends. "And Hanna, you can go to sleep. I'll be fine. You guys must be so exhausted."

They all share apprehensive glances. It is obvious through the rings under their eyes that they want to go sleep, but they still deny the opportunity.

"What's thirty or so more minutes?" Emily is the first to speak. "We aren't going to let you watch this on your own."

Spencer tries for a smile. She almost gets there. But it is quickly gone. As appreciative she is for her loyal best friends, she is bearing too much pain and exhaustion to find a smile within her—even a glimmer of one. So instead, she just says thanks.

Thirty minutes or so later, Toby's face appears on the screen. Next to him is a list of facts. His age. His height. His weight. The license plate number of the truck he was driving. The _kind _of truck he was driving. The last time he was seen. How long he has been gone.

A voice over goes over all the facts, asking the audience to call the number at the bottom of the screen if they have any information on his disappearance.

Soon he is off the screen, and it is back to the two anchors. They both wear frowns. They have a short discussion over the missing man, saying how tragic it is, and how horrible it must be for his loved ones. Spencer's heart breaks upon hearing the woman anchor say, "_I don't think I could ever survive the not-knowing. I'm not strong enough to endure that kind of pain."_

Neither is Spencer.

How she is still standing is completely ineffable to her.

Her friends attempt to comfort her, giving her hugs and shoulder rubs, and whatever else, but she's too far gone to feel the support.

Eventually Aria and Emily leave the house. It's too crowded for them to all sleep here. And it's not like they are breaking their promise. It's going on 5:30AM. They said they would stay for the night, and the night has long passed.

Hanna brings Spencer with her to her bedroom. Spencer said she could just sleep on the couch, but Hanna had promised her that there was enough room in their bed for Spencer too. She would not take no for an answer. Hanna said that if she did not come into bed with her, she would have to sleep on the couch with her, where there is even _less _room. So Spencer gave in to her friend's orders.

Hanna sleeps in between Caleb and Spencer, wrapping her arms around Spencer instead of her husband.

Spencer tries to sleep, but her mind is completely awake. Her anxious, brooding thoughts have no intention of letting her get any sleep tonight. Every time she closes her eyes, she sees him. She sees him in a scene of torment. A scene of absolute horror and torture. She pictures a million different scenarios of him getting hurt. All of them ending in death…

She is convinced that she will never be able to sleep again. At least not until he comes back to her.

If that ever even happens…

Or maybe she will just die of exhaustion before he returns.

She doesn't know how long she can last.


	6. Chapter 6

**a/n: **_not much spoby in this one :/ sorry! This part of the story will speed up eventually. I think, actually, that it will speed up the next time. So chapter 8. It's very slow right now. But. ? Yeah._

_Thanks for the reviews. I'm annoying, I know. But it's just such a nice feeling to read them, and it makes me feel like I'm like...not just posting something into nothing, ya know? HA. Like I don't know, like I get vulnerable posting stuff sometimes because I feel like people will be like "ugh, this is dumb" or something, idk what i'm saying, but thanks so much for reassuring me that you like this, and everything. You guys are soooo great. I'm so grateful._

_SpobyFicStalker: Thank you! I try very hard to capture her personality, but sometimes I feel I'm off. Like I can't even imagine this happening to her, so like... I did the best I could :) And I'm glad you liked it/thought it was good. Thanks And yes, I need those flashbacks too. They keep me sane..._

_poppy1999: thanks bb! And eventually you will find out where bb Toby is... but not quite yet..._

_daisymeadowss: first off, that's spoby in your icon, right? or am I dumb and imagining things ~ kind of like a mirage ~ because I miss spoby so much? Well... i'm thinking it's spoby, and i LOVE it. AND I LOVE ANGST TOO omg yeah, we probably should get some help? But it's just so great? HA. So I feel you. And this review was great actually! You do not suck haha :)_

_TheVelvetDusk: i am very sorry for breaking your heart :( thanks though _

_guest: Thanks ! :) And haha yeah, that's not a typo/mistake. I was eventually gonna address it in the story, but Idk I just don't see Spencer taking Toby's name, so I made her keep her Hastings name :) haha but hmmmmm i like your theory ;) interesting._

_summer: omg omg omg thanks so much! honestly you are such a hjgtfdnjfnf THANKS! I love you. Your review made me smile so big when I first read it, and as I read it again, I am smiling once more. (Does that make me a sadist because you said like 1040483 times that I made you sad? oops! ok i am sorry for making you sad, I AM!)_

_Emilee Amethyst: thanks thanks thanks :')_

_caitycaits: you will find out one day. patience grasshopper. _

_guest: thanks :)_

* * *

Chapter 6

July 15, 2005

;

The next morning she is woken up from the feeling of someone's fingers jabbing into her ribs. Before she even opens her eyes, she knows whom the fingers belong to. She opens her hard, copper eyes only to glare at her blonde friend. "_What_?" she demands.

"It's 12!" Hanna exclaims. "We are going to lunch, and you're coming, so get your ass up!"

Spencer groans, falling back into her pillow. She curls further into herself, bringing her knees into her stomach. "I'll pass," she mutters, closing her eyes again.

With a frustrated sigh, Hanna swipes the pillow away from Spencer's head, making her plop down on the mattress.

"Seriously?" Spencer moves up to a sitting position, rubbing her eyes before narrowing them on her friend. "You _always _sleep in. Can't I just get this _once?"_

Hanna slumps down next to her with open eyes full of curiosity. "No." She brushes her off quickly. "What were you and Toby doing last night?" she inquires, all of her interest on Spencer. She doesn't remember a time where she had this much of Hanna's attention.

"Nothing..." Spencer answers accusatory. "Why do you think we were doing anything?" she demands.

"You were obviously doing something. You spent the whole night together," Hanna shoots patronizingly.

"We watched movies...if that's what you mean..."

"Those stupid Hetchcock movies?"

"Hitchcock..." Spencer corrects her with pointed eyes. "But yes."

"And that's all you did? For the _whole _night?"

"Is that so hard to believe?"

"Yes. Because you _never _stay up the whole night. You didn't even stay up the whole night on my twenty first birthday. I'm still pissed at you for that..."

Spencer rolls her eyes. "Hanna–," she starts in a tone of annoyance. "Just stop trying to make this into some big thing. It's not. It's no big deal."

Hanna looks at her like she doesn't believe her, but eventually sucks in a breath and loses some of the intensity in her eyes. "Well, that's good because he has a girlfriend, remember. I'm all for scandal, but don't be that bitch, Spencer. Polly should be the only girl that gets his cracker." She looks proud of herself for this cheep throw.

Spencer glowers at her friend. "We didn't do anything, Hanna!" Spencer exclaims angrily. "Okay? Can you just shut up about it?"

Hanna looks appalled. She moves her wide eyes away from her friend's and murmurs an, "okay..." under her breath.

Emily comes in a minute later with wet hair and a towel in hand. The tension between the friends still hangs in the air, leaving Emily in an uncomfortable position.

"Um, everything all right guys?" she questions.

"I was just talking to Spencer about her night," Hanna delivers, receiving a glare from her friend.

Emily looks amused after seeing Spencer's glare. "Hanna, I told you nothing happened."_  
_

"It's nice to know that at least one of you has some trust in me."

"Actually she said, _Toby's not that kind of guy,_" Hanna recalls. "She never mentioned you."

Emily looks flustered and annoyed. "Hanna," she starts. "Come on, we both know Spencer wouldn't do that either."

A moment later Spencer sighs. "Well now that we have established that _nothing _happened, can we just _move _on," Spencer asks her friends.

"Yes," Emily nods.

"No."

They both shoot their eyes at Hanna.

"Spencer still needs to tell us about Alex," a mischievous smile slides out on her face.

Emily smiles too.

Spencer looks down.

"Oh, um, yeah..." she recalls the kiss from last night. It feels like it was forever ago somehow. "_That._.."

"Something is definitely going on _there," _Hanna states.

Spencer shrugs, smirking at her blonde friend, "still deciding."

The friends all giggle at this for a few seconds.

"Okay, okay. We can talk more about it at lunch. Spencer get ready! I'm seriously starving. We've been waiting all morning."

"And when Hanna says _all morning_, she means since 10:30."

They all laugh together at this before Spencer nods her head in submission. "Okay. I won't make you guys wait any longer..." she promises, stepping off the bed. "I'll get ready."

...

They eat lunch together, discussing Alex and Maya and all things romance. Hanna complains (as always), saying that she hasn't had any action in months. Somehow it ends with Hanna and Spencer giving Emily permission to ditch them tonight and hang out with Maya.

"Guys. No. It's fine. I barely see you."

"And you've barely seen Maya since we've been here!" Spencer replies. "It's fine, Emily. We can handle ourselves."

"We are setting you free for the night! Take the opportunity!"

She smiles gratefully at her friends, "are you sure?" she asks apprehensively. Emily is overly kind. She always has been.

"Just do it!" Hanna exclaims. "If you keep asking, I'm gonna change my mind."

Emily laughs. "Okay!" she replies. "Okay, I'll stop," she promises.

"So, anything fun to do in this town?" Hanna asks.

"There's the ECHO lake aquarium and science center," Emily offers

"Sounds boring."

Spencer glares at Hanna. "Let me guess, you want to go shopping again?"

"That's a great idea, Spence. Let's do it."

She glares at her friend, sighing hardly. "No!" she rejects.

"Well, I'm not going to the stupid lake aquarium place. Fish freak me out..."

Both of the friends furrow their eyebrows at the blue eyed woman's fear. "Why?" Spencer is almost scared to ask.

"They are just gross!" Hanna exclaims.

"You eat sushi all the time!"

"It's different!"

"How about you guys just catch a movie?" Emily offers, always the buffer.

Hanna's face lights up. "Oh yeah! Let's go see Mr. and Mrs. Smith!" her hand coils around Spencer's wrist excitedly. "I have been wanting to see that for _ages."_

"Finally something we can agree on!" Spencer replies in relief.

...

The movie starts at 7:15, which gives them an hour to kill. Emily went to dinner with Maya, making sure they were okay with it first before going. For the umpteenth time, they told Emily it was fine.

Instead of going out to dinner, they bought bread and lunch meat. They have already spent so much money on their trip. They are trying to cut down.

So they spend this free time at the apartment. For the first time since they got here, they are left alone. Well, alone as in _without Emily._

Alex is here.

They tell them their plans as they eat their sandwiches, and then the man is inviting himself along. "Oh, God, I want to see that movie!" he states.

"Really?" Spencer raises an _on_eyebrow, slightly amused. Sure, it's action, but it's also romance.

"Yeah. Are you kidding? It looks great!" he exclaims. "Mind if I tag along?"

Spencer and Hanna share a look before Spencer shakes her head with uncertainty. "Not at all."

"Great. I'll buy us snacks. I promise you won't regret taking me," he winks.

He goes off to "freshen up" after that, leaving Spencer and Hanna alone.

Hanna rolls her eyes. "Now I'm the third wheel. Great."

"What?" Spencer asks, almost baffled. "How?"

"You guys are probably gonna... I don't know. Be all flirty and annoying..."

"You've been telling me since we've got here that I should _hit that_."

"Doesn't mean I wanna watch!"

Spencer rolls her eyes. "We aren't going to be all flirty," Spencer argues. "You are acting like we are a couple or something. We kissed _once._"

"Yeah, exactly _why _you will be flirting so much. You're in that in between stage."

"It'll be fine."

...

Except Hanna was right.

They spend most of the evening flirting. Alex even performs the middle school cliche of wrapping his arm around her shoulder in a slow yawn. She catches a glance at Hanna some time in the midst of things, and she just raises her eye brow at her. As if saying _I told you so._

When the movie ends, Hanna and Spencer trot to the bathroom. There, Spencer apologizes.

"I'm sorry. You were right," she sighs in submission.

"I love when you say that," a grin rises on the blonde's face, her blue eyes shining gleefully.

"So you aren't annoyed or mad at me, or anything?"

"Nah." She waves her hand forward. "In a way, I was kind of your wing-woman tonight. I've been wanting to do that since _forever."_

It is true. Hanna had talked up Spencer all night.

"And you did a _perfect _job."

Hanna somewhat squeals with delight before taking Spencer's hand in hers and swinging it back and forth. "Oh, how I've waited to hear those words!"

Spencer laughs, slightly rolling her eyes before averting her attention to the mirror. She fixes her hair and puts on a new layer of lip gloss before asking if Hanna is ready to go back out.

They go back out, meeting Alex. From there, they head back to the apartment.

When they get back, it's almost 10–not even _near_ the time Hanna usually goes to sleep (11:30), but yet she is saying, "I'm going to call it a night. I'm exhausted. But you two stay up... have _fun._" She delivers this with a special kind of smirk. One that Spencer can easily read as _get some. _

Once Hanna is gone, it's just her and Alex. She feels slightly nervous.

"Tonight was fun. Once again, sorry for crashing..."

"You didn't crash..." Spencer supplies. "I'm glad you came."

"Really?" something in his caramel eyes sparkles.

She nods, smiling softly. "Yeah. It was nice..." she decides.

"I can't argue with that," he responds.

They stare intently at each other for a moment before he attaches his lips to hers.

She feels more at ease than she did last night. Maybe it's because Hanna and Emily aren't watching, or because it's more familiar, but no longer does she feel a overwhelming heart rate or flushed cheeks.

She leans closer to him, moving her lips against his, not knowing if using tongue would be too forward.

But her question is answered when his tongue is tracing the outline of her mouth. She spreads her lips wider apart, allowing easier access. His tongue feels all around her mouth, making her stomach grow a little pit of desire.

Usually her second kisses with people aren't this... _aggressive._

Not that she's complaining.

"I think Toby will be home soon. Or Emily, even," Alex pulls away. "I wouldn't want them walking in on us."

She nods at this, but she is disappointed.

"We could continue in my room though..." he murmurs, pressing a kiss to her neck.

She gives the proposal some thought, but eventually declines.

"Uh, maybe another night..." she says.

She doesn't usually move _this _fast. Usually she dates guys for weeks until she gets anywhere with them. This make out session with him was probably usually classified as a number three date activity. (Not that she was one of those people who made charts and calenders about when to have sex with someone, or anything.)

She hasn't even been on one date with Alex. They went to the movies tonight, but she hardly counts that as anything.

Although Alex is different than all the other guys. She only has about a week and half left with him, which means things kind of _do _need to move faster than normal. But still, she refuses to go any farther with him for the night.

"That's fine," he claims, kissing her cheek. "I wouldn't want you to feel pressured."

"I'm not," she declares.

"Good."

She smiles slightly at him.

A moment passes. She kind of leans away from him, staying in her own personal space. After some silence, she asks where Toby is. She hasn't seen him all day. It's kind of strange. This _is _his home. "I just haven't seen him at all today..." Spencer adds to back her nosiness.

"I'm not sure," Alex shrugs. "I only saw him once today, and it was after he woke up. But usually he comes home at like 10:30, 11," Alex shrugs.

"I see."

"Yeah," Alex nods curtly. "You wanna watch something?" he nods to the television.

"Sure."

They watch TV for awhile. Well, at least until Toby comes home. It's about 11 when he comes back. Alex was accurate in his conjecture. Emily is still not back, and Hanna is still in the room, pretending to be asleep. Spencer feels bad. She was such a good wing-woman, and now she's just left inside the room alone. Which is why when Toby comes back, slumping down on the recliner, greeting them and asking what they are watching, Spencer says she is going to go to bed. Which is a lie. She is really just going to go hang out with Hanna, but she can't say that because Alex thinks she is sleeping.

She says goodnight to both the men before retreating to her room for the night.

July 16, 2005

Spencer wakes up earlier than Hanna even though they went to bed at the same time. When she wakes up, she notices Emily is still not in sight. She doesn't think she ever came home...

Her theory is proven correct when she sees the text message on her phone.

_Sorry! Staying the night at Maya's! Hope that's okay! Be back early tomorrow. xo_

Spencer knows their connotations of _early _are very different. Right now it's 9:13. She probably won't be back till at least 10.

Unlike the other day, she feels more comfortable leaving the room without Emily or Hanna's assistance.

She has grown comfortable with both men.

She and Toby bonded over Hitchcock movies. They spent the whole night alone together! (As Hanna has drilled so many times into the brunette's brain.)

And Alex, well, they are in the midst of some short lived fling. They made out last night.

She sees Toby when she goes out to the living area. He is eating breakfast at the counter.

"Good morning," he greets.

"Morning," she responds with a timid smile.

"Emily ever come back?"

She shakes her head. "Spent the night at Maya's."

"That must have taken a big push."

"Actually no," Spencer replies. "Hanna and I had no say in that. She sent me this," she steps closer to him, pulling out the text message for him to see. She sets her phone on the counter so he can read it, "I saw it this morning."

Toby eyes scan over the contents of the message quickly. "I think we pushed her so hard into spending the evening with Maya that we somehow broke her obsession compulsion to be polite at all times."

Toby laughs softly at this, glancing up at her. "I don't think anyone is strong enough to break that wall."

She grins back. "Maybe Hercules."

He chuckles good naturally at this before guiding his attention back to his cereal.

A smile freezes on the brunettes face, along with the man's. She isn't even sure _why _she is smiling. She just is. But it feels nice.

She realizes that she is still close to him so she takes a step back.

"You want some other type of cereal? Aren't you getting sick of cheerios?" he suddenly implores.

"I'm fine with cheerios," she claims.

"Do you want a _bagel_?"_  
_

"I'm _fine,_" she laughs slightly. "But thanks. I'll be sure to go to you when I've completely had it with cheerios."

His grin only increases in intensity.

She smiles too. Then realizes it. He has one of those smiles that is contagious. One of those smiles that beams off so much joy and bliss that it rubs off on anyone close by.

She goes to get the cheerios. She notices that there is not much left. She reminds herself that she should buy more for Emily. It's only fair.

She gets her cereal all together, then takes the open seat next to him. He's already done with his cereal, but he doesn't go anywhere.

"You have work today?" she implores before taking a spoon of her cereal.

He nods. "Yeah, soon. A double shift actually. Since Emily's taking some days off to spend time with you guys, they have been really stacking on the hours."

"So essentially, _I _am the reason for your work load?" she questions teasingly.

"No, no, no–" he quickly declines. "It's fine."

She laughs. "I'm just messing around. I mean, it is, really. But I was just testing something..."

"Testing something?"

"If you are Emily's level of polite."

"Am I?" he asks.

"I think so," she puts forth. "From what I've gathered, definitely."

He smiles at this, which incidentally makes her smile. They just smile at each other for a moment before looking away.

She wonders a second if she is stepping the boundary of flirty and friendly. She doesn't think she is. But maybe _he _thinks she is. Or maybe if his girlfriend heard about this, she would think she is.

She wasn't presenting it as flirtation though. She just _said _it. Besides, what is she thinking? Calling someone _polite _is not flirtation.

It's probably just her conversation with Hanna yesterday that's eating at her.

"I should continue getting ready for work..." he steps up from the chair. He takes his bowl to the dishwasher.

"I don't think Emily would leave a guest alone. Maybe I was wrong..." she pokes playfully.

She feels more comfortable with him now. After the other night, that is. They seem to almost be _friends. _After spending a night together, it feels like she's known him much longer than four days.

He looks amused. He smirks a little. "I don't think she would want someone to get fired for being late, either."

"Hey, I never said that I was as polite as Emily."

"Yeah, you probably shouldn't either..."

She gapes at him. He obviously feels much more content with her too to tease her back. Her gaping eyes turn into glowering after a couple seconds.

"I'm just kidding," he supplies, chuckling. "Enjoy the rest of your cheerios," he tells her before going off to get ready.

She finds herself smiling after his departure.

Yes, she has a tiny crush on him, but she isn't going to _do _anything about it. It's just an innocent, going nowhere crush. As long as she keeps her feelings to herself, there will be no problem.

* * *

a/n: leave a review, please! Also have a nice day. Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**a/n: **hey! Happy Sunday!

Once again, thank you for the reviews. You guys are so so so so wonderful. I love you all. You guys make my day, honestly. I love hearing what you think of this. Please please please keep reviewing.

And as to answer some questions (one question tbh):

OK, so truth is, I thought I would have the "past" chapters at a faster pace? But it's going pretty slow. Anyways, Aria will show up soon. I thought she would come sooner, but lol ? I don't know. Things change. I'm putting more detail and development in it than I planned. AHAH.

Italicized = Flash Backs

Also, I don't own PLL. LOL.

* * *

Chapter 7

October 22, 2013

Morning

She doesn't sleep, instead she just lies there in agony. She knew she wasn't going to anyway. It wasn't really a shock.

Around 7AM, Caleb and Hanna's daughter begins to cry for them. But neither of them wakes at the sound. They are still completely gone. They both are exhausted. She knows they would wake up eventually. Their daughter would grow louder and more desperate, and they would be going to her aid the second they opened their they have been up all night, and they deserve more rest, so instead of waiting for the parents to depart from sleep, Spencer goes to the crying infant instead.

Her name is Annalisa, although everyone tends to just call her Ann. She looks exactly like Hanna with her light, curly hair and bright, blue eyes. If you look at a picture of Hanna as an infant, they look nearly identical. Although as she grows older, Caleb's features become more prominent. The infant has the same bone structure as the man.

She picks up the crying infant, soothing her. She bounces her up and down slightly, holding onto her tiny hand. Eventually the infant calms down. Ann is a huge attention craver. She wants to be held at all times. When she isn't being held, she will throw a gigantic fit.

Spencer wants kids. She didn't always, but dreams and desires can change. She just wanted to finish her dreams first—get everything settled, and do everything she wanted to accomplish before having children. Because when you have children, they become your main purpose. For a long time, she wasn't ready for that. She wasn't ready to be _that _selfless, but about a year ago, she had finally been ready.

Except the universe had other plans.

_Toby comes home to the smell of food cooking, which is completely bizarre because he usually gets home before Spencer, which means he usually comes home to an empty house. So who is doing this cooking? He didn't see her car in the driveway, but he supposes it could be in the garage. _

_"Spencer?" he calls out as he walks through their house's foyer__._

_"In the kitchen!"_

_He walks towards her voice, and finds her in a pastel, yellow apron with flowers sketched across the hem. He has never seen her wear it, but he is grateful he is able to see her in it now. She looks absolutely adorable in it. _

_She is smiling giddily at him, her chestnut eyes sparkling and crinkling at the sides._

_"This is a nice surprise," he notes._

_Her smile softens slightly, almost turning into a somewhat smirk. "I didn't think you'd be too disappointed."_

_He smiles widely at her before striding over to her. She goes to him at the same time, wrapping her arms around his neck, and throwing her body into him. His lips crash with hers, his hands encircling around her frame. He brings her off her feet (literally) and holds her up into the air, her feet dangling above the ground._

_He sets her back down a few second later, detaching his lips from hers._

_"Wow," she observes in approval. "I should come home more often."_

_"You should wear _this _more often," he glances at the apron, his hand gently tugging on the apron string._

_"Oh really?" her eyes light up, "Is that what gets you going? Aprons?" she teases._

_"You get me going," he murmurs huskily, his lips attaching to her neck._

_She grins at this. Her eyes close in pleasure as his lips graze over her skin. She lets out a sweet, relaxing sigh that almost can pass as a beginning of a laugh, but not quite._

_"Keep it up, and we'll be eating charcoal."_

_He chuckles at this, pulling away from her. His hands run up and down her arms affectionately. "Like you would ever actually let that happen," he smirks. She smiles timidly at him. A moment later he asks, "so tell me, what are you doing home so early, and why are you cooking?"_

_"Can't a wife just make a nice dinner for her husband?" she furrows her brow slightly, pouting almost._

_"Not when it's you," he puts forth. "You don't do anything without a reason."_

_She gapes at him for a moment, pursing her lips. "Fine," she admits, sighing. "I want to talk about something," she says in a cheerier voice than usual._

_He raises his eyebrows, intrigued. _

_She sets her hands on his shoulders, smiling timidly at him. She doesn't know why she is nervous to say it. She shouldn't be. Toby has been wanting this forever. She has been the one stopping them from taking the next step. He will probably be overjoyed to hear the news. "I've been thinking…" she leads, rubbing his shoulders a little. Her hands travel around his neck, linking together. "I've been thinking about it for a long time now, and I'm ready to start trying."_

_She doesn't have to elaborate any further for him to know what she means. After a moment of shock, his face twists up into absolute bliss. His smile reaches his eyes and oozes out with joy. "Really?" he asks eagerly._

_She nods, a smile bursting from her lips. He grabs her in his arms and swirls her around, sweeping her off her feet once again. _

_Everything is good for awhile. They have unprotected sex all the time. Especially on the days where she is ovulating. They have sex so much that she starts to become sore, but it's a good kind of sore. It's like the exhaustion from a good run._

_But after three months of trying, they are forced to stop. _

_They may be ready to have kids, emotionally and physically, but not so much finically…_

_So many things go wrong. They begin laying people off at Toby's work. Things keep breaking. The universe is practically yelling at them to stop. So they do. They are both upset by this, but it is for the best. They know it. They still have time._

They kept pushing it further and further back. She wishes now that they didn't. There isn't a perfect time to have a child. Things always go wrong. Curve balls are going to continue coming. There's no stopping that.

What if Toby never returns? What then? She will _never _be able to have his children. She'll never be able to have a mix of her and Toby's blood running around. Hell, she'll never even have kids. How could she honestly? How could she ever be stable enough to take care of a child with this tragedy on her shoulders? If Toby doesn't come back, she won't even be able to take care of _herself, _let alone a child.

She knows, deep inside, it's better that she isn't pregnant, or taking care of an infant of her own. Deep inside, she knows that would make the situation so much more difficult. But, the illogical part of her mind, the part of her mind that acts as a zombie, controlled by her heart, believes otherwise. At least she would have a part of him with her. Right now, she has nothing. If he doesn't come back, then he's just…_gone._

She sniffles, cursing herself for crying yet again. When will it stop?

She looks down at Ann, who has been playing with Spencer's sweat shirt string. "I hope your life is a lot less hectic than mine."

The infant doesn't really react to the words, and why would she? She is six months old.

Spencer's phone begins to go off in her pocket. Her heart drops at the sound. It might be Holbrook with something new. She sets Ann back in her crib before taking the call. It _is_ Holbrook.

"What is it?" she immediately asks.

"Have you slept at all?" he asks, almost sighing.

"Does it really matter. What is it?"

"I was just going to invite you down to the site. We can talk more there."

"I thought you didn't want me there?"

"I changed my mind," he says. "If it's too hard, we can just talk at the station."

"No. No, I want to come to the site."

"Alright," he says. "Just come on down to the station, we can drive down together."

Ann begins to cry. Spencer tries to hush her by squatting down to her level and rubbing her arm, but she refuses to stop. "Okay, I'll be down there soon."

"Is that a baby crying?"

"It's my friends," she answers. "I'll be down there in 10."

Caleb comes in a few seconds later, looking groggy and concerned.

He picks up Ann before addressing Spencer. He bounces her up and down, hoisting her against his chest. "How you doing? Any news on Toby?" he asks fearfully.

She shakes her head. "I—not really. They found his jacket, and…cell phone. Also some glass on the side of the road, which might indicate a crash…"

Caleb gulps, a look of dismay crossing his features.

"I'm going down to the site now."

"Alone?"

"I'll be fine," she says. She isn't sure it's the truth, but she knows her friends can't babysit her forever. "Just take care of Ann. Get some sleep."

"I think you need some sleep," he counters.

"I'll sleep when I've found my husband," she states firmly, swallowing. A terse moment of silence falls between them. "I'll keep you guys updated," she promises before making her way out of the room. He catches her arm.

She turns around to him.

"Spencer," he says, his lips tightening, "you don't—you don't have to act okay."

"I know," her voice is light, barely audible.

He nods, looking down. He lets her go after. "Just…be careful."

"I will," Spencer promises.

…

She meets Holbrook at the station. Together, they travel down to the site. It's all blocked off with yellow tape. There is a "Road Closed" sign too. He parks right on the sideline of the woods. They didn't really talk on the way here. Holbrook said he would explain more when they got there.

They walk into the woods. Spencer spots several people inspecting the area, and wonders how long it would take for them to cover the whole surface area of the woods. "Did they find anything else?" she finally asks. She is scared. She doesn't know if she is ready to face anything else of his that they may have found, but she needs to be strong. She needs to have the courage to help. She needs to find him.

He shakes his head. "Not exactly."

"What does that mean?"

"They have a theory," he tells her.

"What's the theory?"

"Well, we think it was an abduction. We think they might have ran him off the road—possibly knocked him out by doing so."

Spencer gulps. She feels frozen. She stops walking. She is paralyzed.

"I know it must be hard to hear," he says.

She sucks in a sharp breath, nodding. "You have no idea," she murmurs numbly.

"But something doesn't make sense with that story," he states. "If they ran him off the road, then his truck would be somewhere close. _Unless _they had high jacked the truck, but if that is the case, where is _their _car? They would have had to come back and get it, but that would require a decent time gap. It seems risky to me. It's a huge gamble to leave something like that in the open."

She blinks, swallowing hardly. She wipes a tear away from her face. "So you think…you think something else happened?"

"I think that there might be two people involved with the abduction," he states. "Toby… he's 6'1? Seems to have a good build… I mean, he's not exactly an easy target."

She exhales slowly, looking into the woods. A lot of the leaves have fallen off the trees now as they go deeper into the fall. "Right," she breathes.

A moment passes.

"Have you talked to Jenna Marshall yet?" she asks, turning to him.

"Gordo is going out there right now," he nods, glancing away for a moment. "Violence, abductions… they are almost always committed by friends, or family members—people you know."

Spencer had read this a few times. She could never imagine any of the people close to her doing such things. Even her sister, who she has always had a rivalry with, wouldn't hurt her. Would she?

"Yeah. I read that."

"People are sick," he shakes his head in disgust.

"They definitely are."

"Spencer, if you can think of anyone else who might have been a part of this… just let me know," he turns to her.

"Like I said, he didn't really have that many enemies," Spencer shrugged. She mulls over a list of people that Toby has had problems with in the past. She can't think that anyone of them would actually _hurt _him.

"Just if any names come up…" he states. "Are there any others that have been _obsessed _with him?"

"Not that I can think of."

He nods. "Okay, well," he sighs. "Just checking."

"It has to be Jenna. That's the only thing that makes sense."

There's an onset of yelling coming from the east. The voice is calling out, "over here! Come! Look at this! Someone get Holbrook!"

More yelling ensues, overlapping each other. It echoes through the woods, and into their ears.

They share a look before running towards the noise. It's about a quarter of a mile into the woods, so it seems at least. There, smashed into a tree, is Toby's truck.

Spencer covers her mouth, too stunned to even sob. She remains completely frozen, staring at the truck with terror.

"He isn't in there. The door was flung open," someone calls out.

Spencer's knees break on her, sending her into the ground. Holbrook catches her before she hits the ground, wrapping his arms around the weeping woman. She turns away from the truck, burying her head into the man's chest. She is completely past the point of caring. Just twenty four hours ago she had been completely against crying in front of people, but here she is, bawling her eyes out in front of a dozen of lurking eyes. She is freely sobbing into a man of whom she has just met. She really is completely broken.

Holbrook walks with her back to the police car, where they sit until Spencer stops crying.

"I really didn't expect that to happen, otherwise I would've…"

"Not let me see it?" she spits out hysterically. "Look, I'm a crazy woman, I know, but this—it's his truck," she breaks on the words, shaking her head. "How am I supposed to react?" she whispers brokenly.

"I don't—look, I don't think you're crazy. I think how you're acting is completely normal. I'm just saying, that was completely dropped on you, I apologize."

She shakes her head, wiping her tears away furiously. "It's fine," she says, almost wheezing. "I needed to see that."

He frowns at her. "Miss Hastings, I will promise to do my best on this case. Truly."

They go back to the police station afterward. On the way back, Spencer lets her mind wander to a different time.

_"Look, I know it was your baby, but this can be your new baby…" she says. They have been sitting in Toby's new truck for thirty minutes—just sitting here, doing absolutely nothing. Toby has just been starring at the interior of the truck with a perplexed, sorrowful look on his face. _

_"It was just so…full of memories," he states. "I had it since I was eighteen. It was such a great truck. It lasted so long, and ran so well…"_

_She stares pointedly at him. "I'll never understand boy's weird obsession with cars," she puts forth bluntly._

_He looks over to her, frowning._

_She smirks, "sorry, I didn't mean to pour salt on any wombs."_

_"Come on," he tries. "You loved the old truck too."_

_"It was nice," she nods, thinking back to all the times where they had made the windows steam over. "But, this one… it has some more space," she notes._

_"I think the other one had a good amount of space," Toby says._

_"Really?" she ponders aloud._

_He nods, giving her a incredulous look._

_She chuckles softly at this before moving over to him. She positions herself on his lap, her legs straddled around his waist, and her back against the steering wheel. He looks at her intensely, not daring to blink. She coyly looks back at him, a trace of a smirk on her lips. She glances around innocently, her hands moving down his chest to his pelvis area. "Hmm, I don't know," she murmurs, leaning closer into his face. "If we have more room, it's easier to do this…" she lets her voice trail before their lips touch._

_He kisses her back furiously, his hands running up her back and pulling at her hair. They haven't done this in awhile. Probably in over a year. Maybe it's because they are getting older now, and more mature, but right now, Spencer can't even recall why they would ever want to stop doing this._

_Then a loud honking sound jolts them away from each other. They both begin to laugh. This has happened time and time again. They will be so engulfed in each other that they simply forget all about the honker on the steering wheel. _

_"Maybe we should just take this inside…" Toby says, smiling still. He brushes over her shoulder with his lips, pushing her shirt down._

_"Mmm," she moans slightly. "Or…we could go in the back seat. You know, to test if it's bigger or not…" she smirks at him. "And also, there is no steering wheel."_

_"Sounds like a great plan to me."_

She still can't believe this is even happening. How can he seriously be _missing_? How can this even be a reality? Why on earth would anyone want to take Toby? He hasn't done anything wrong. She is the one with the sins. Why not her?

Maybe she has just died, and gone to hell. Maybe this is her punishment for all the crimes she has committed in her lifetime. She is finally paying for what she has done. Sure, she has dealt with pain before, but this is a whole different level of it. It's sadistic. What kind of monster could take someone so caring and loving?

They arrive at the police station, and her tears have slowed down some now. She is still somewhat crying, but not as she was before. Not nearly the same amount.

"Do you want me to drive you somewhere? Do you think you'll be okay driving?"

She nods. "Yeah, I'll be fine…" she nods.

"All right," he allows after a moment. "Remember, if you think of anyone, call me," he says.

She nods.

"I'll keep in touch," he says.

"Me too," she offers before getting out of the car.

She begins to walk away, but evidently turns around. She didn't want to say anything. Mostly because of how irrelevant it is now. It was so long ago, and wasn't even _that _of big a deal, but she is desperate. She just wants her husband back, and what if this leads her to it? So she goes back.

She just opens the car and plops back down in the passenger seat. He gives her an incredulous look, one of his eyebrows narrowed slightly.

"What is it?"

"I… I thought of someone else. Someone who may have…" she lets the sentence die off.

"Oh…okay. Can I get a name?"

"Alex Santiago."

* * *

**A/N:**

PLOT TWIST!

;)

Leave a review, please!


	8. Chapter 8

**a/n: **i suck! I am sorry I did not update yesterday. :/ I had a lot of trouble writing this chapter. I still don't like it. :p I sort of was down this weekend, for whatever reason, and I don't know, I couldn't bring myself to work on this :( i'm sorry. I have broken the streak. I hope you don't hate me. I will update on Sunday still (I intend to at least) so I mean, at least it's less than a week now, right? Sigh. I suck. Sorry.

But oh my God! THANK YOU SOOO SO SO much for all the reviews and love. You guys are truly great. I'm so glad you are liking this :) And haha, I'm glad I surprised you guys! Heh. The past is important! But I was thinking. Should I just combine these chapters? Would you guys like that more? But I feel like it would be confusing for people :/ Anyway, tell me what you think! Thanks thanks thanks again for the great response. I wish I could reply to you all, but I'm really, really busy (which is also kind of the reason I didn't update yesterday :/)

hope you enjoy xox

* * *

**Chapter 8**

July 20, 2005

Emily is going to work today. Her boss would not allow her to take as many vacation days as she had opted for. Spencer and Hanna had originally planned to spend this day together, taking on the town, but then something happened…

Alex had asked her on a date. When Spencer had told Hanna about it, the woman had practically fell off her chair with excitement.

"If you _don't _go, I'll be mad!" she had told her in eagerness.

"But what will you do?"

"I'll figure it out! Just go!"

So here she is with Alex on a date.

She keeps mulling it over in her mind. She doesn't know where this is going to lead. She doesn't really _see _it going anywhere. She lives hours away, and does not believe in the whole 'long distance' thing. Especially with someone she has just met. Alex has to be thinking this too, right? That this is just for kicks? He has to. He doesn't seem dumb.

She's had this problem with guys before. They think that a silly fling is something serious, and call her a bitch when she breaks things off so soon, or denies their request of a relationship. Why is it that guys can do this so excessively, but not girls?

"You look really nice tonight," Alex tells her as they sit down at their table.

"Thanks," a smile blossoms off her face. "So do you."

"It took me about two hours," he chuckles.

She laughs at this, but quietly wonders if he is being serious. Did he _really _take that much time and effort to impress her?

"Well, it paid off," Spencer offers.

He smirks at her, "good. Now I know my time was not wasted."

She smiles at him politely before picking up the menu. They are at some Mexican place that Alex loves. It was a little ways from the apartment, but Alex had promised it was worth it.

It is silent for a short while. Intending to break the silence, Spencer asks, " so, what kind of music do you listen to?" After realizing how generic the question is, she regrets it.

He shrugs, "anything, really."

"Well…what's your favorite band?"

A thoughtful expression crosses his face, his eyebrows tilting inward slightly. "Ya know, I really don't think I could tell you. I don't really have one."

Spencer nods slowly. "Oh. I see… music isn't your thing. We can move on…" she laughs it off awkwardly.

"I focus more on the dancing than music I guess," he says.

"You dance?" she suddenly becomes interesting, locking her eyes with his.

He chuckles, nodding. "Yeah, I'll have to show you some moves."

"I happen to have some moves myself," she responds coyly.

He smirks. "Well, what do you say after dinner we have a little lesson."

"I'd be down for that," she agrees with a grin.

…

"Is there anything fun to do in this boring town?" Hanna asks, plopping down beside the man on the couch.

He looks around, confused. "Uh, there's a historical museum and a lot of good hiking paths…" he offers distractedly. "Where are Emily and Spencer?" he asks.

Toby has just returned from a long shift at work and a very late lunch with his girlfriend. He hasn't been home since eleven this morning.

"Emily is working," Hanna tells him. "And Spencer is on a date with your other roommate."

"Alex?" Toby asks, turning towards her with perplexed eyebrows.

"No," Hanna answers flatly. "Your _other _roommate," she spits out sarcastically.

He gives her a look of annoyance before responding. He looks away, staring into nothing in particular. "She just … _left_ you here?" he asks curiously.

"No. I told her to go," Hanna answers.

"Why?" he questions innocently.

"Ever heard of a selfless act of kindness?" she shoots back.

His eyebrows twist in puzzlement at her.

"Are you blind or something? Those two have been jumping on each other's bones since Spencer and I got here."

Toby looks away, a curve in his eyebrow still present. He stays silent, staring into nothing with an ambiguous expression.

Hanna studies him for a second. "Why are you looking like that?" she implores accusingly.

"Looking like what?" he shifts his eyes over to her.

She rolls her eyes, sighing exasperatedly, "like the idea of Alex and Spencer going on a date is unappealing."

He glances away, shaking his head a second later. "It's nothing," he murmurs distractedly.

After a pause she sighs dramatically. "Do you _like _her?" she demands irritably.

"What?" he responds, baffled.

Hanna looks away, feeling awkward and slightly embarrassed. She purses her lips, doing her best to avoid him.

"I…it's just," he sighs. "Never mind."

She looks over to him, inspecting him with squinted eyes. "No. What is it?"

He puffs out his cheeks, looking down. "Just Alex," he shrugs.

"What's wrong with Alex? He's your roommate. If he was such a crazypants, I don't think you'd be living with him."

He shrugs. "He's all right… I guess."

"Oh my God, just spit it out."

"He's just. I don't know. Not my favorite person…"

"Yeah, care to specify why?" she retorts.

He looks at her, feeling speechless. "I—um," he stammers. "I'm sure it will be fine."

"If you dislike him this much, why do you live with him? Emily doesn't have anything against him."

Toby squares his jaw, staring away. "I've been asking myself that question a lot too," he pauses. "Emily likes to see the best in people."

"That's true."

Toby shrugs. "I don't know," he sighs. "It's none of my business."

"Well you like Spencer, I mean as a person, friend, whatever… so if he _is _a psychopath, I think it'd be at least decent to tell her. Don't you think?"

"He's not a psychopath," Toby offers apprehensively. "He's just… _complicated._"

"Well, if we have to go identify Spencer's body, I'm blaming you."

He rolls his eyes at this.

…

When Spencer goes home that night to a too quiet Hanna. She was positive that Hanna would unload a bucket of questions on her, but so far, the blonde has not even mentioned the date. She simply greeted her, and dived into a questionnaire about fall looks, showing her pictures from magazines of all of the clothes that snatch her interest. Spencer is so baffled by Hanna's silence that she has to ask if anything's wrong.

"Why would something be wrong?" the blonde replies.

"You haven't asked _one _question about the date. Usually you spur them out at a dozen a minute…"

"Oh," something dawns on the blonde's face. "_That," _she looks down at the magazine in front of her, focusing her blue eyes on it.

"Yeah. _That," _Spencer says, sitting on the bed next to Hanna's feet. "You _always_ pester me with millions of questions. What gives?"

"You always get pissed when I do that, shouldn't you just be grateful?"

"I'm more so concerned."

"Fine," Hanna throws the magazine down, pulling her legs underneath her. "How was the date?" she asks curiously, a new attitude among her.

"It was okay. The food wasn't all that great, and… I don't know, at some parts it was _eh, _but then we went dancing! That was incredible. He can actually dance, too! Like _really _dance."

Hanna watches her with inspecting eyes. "So," she voices lightly, "he was a gentleman?"

"I suppose so," she shrugs with uncertainty.

"He wasn't like checking other girls out or something? Being weird?"

"Why would you even ask that?" Spencer demands, an accusatory tone among her words.

Hanna inhales deeply. "Blame Toby."

"Toby?" Spencer responds, her eyebrows furrowing in puzzlement. "Why? Did he say something? About…Alex?"

"More or less," Hanna shrugs, picking up the magazine again. She keeps her attention off of her friend and on the magazine instead. Spencer isn't sure if Hanna is just bored of the topic or avoiding eye contact on purpose.

"What does that even mean?"

"You'll have to ask him," Hanna states. "Really," she flicks her eyes up to Spencer. "He won't give me any deets. He just kept rambling on about the guy, giving me no specific reason of why he doesn't like him," Hanna rolls her eyes. "I don't know. I mean, maybe he is just jealous. It makes more sense to me," her eyes go back to the magazine.

"What?!" Spencer exclaims. "You think he is jealous… of Alex? Because of what? Me?"

"Oh my God!" Hanna exclaims.

"What?"

"Look at this picture of Chad Michael Murray and Sophia Bush!" she flaunts the magazine in front of Spencer, with a wide smile of excitement on her face. "They are _so _adorable. I want a relationship just like theirs!"

"Who are those people again?" Spencer barely gets a glance at them before Hanna pulls the magazine back in her own lap.

"Spencer!" she looks at her friend with gaped eyes. "Brooke and Lucas!" she exclaims as if she is insulted.

"Who?"

"_One Tree Hill_…" Hanna back fires, irritation present in her voice. "God, Spencer. We watch it all the time!"

"Actually _you _watch it all the time. I only watch it when you force me, or when I find you on the couch, sobbing because of it."

Hanna rolls her eyes. "I am _always _sobbing because of it, which means you should at least know the characters' names!" she lectures.

"Okay, I'll make sure to take notes next time…" Spencer responds dryly, slightly rolling her eyes at her friend's obsession with the show. "Now, going back to what we were talking about before…" she starts, "why would you think he was jealous?"

"Because guys do that when they are jealous!" Hanna back fires. "They turn the guy you're with into a villain so they can be the knight and shining armor," she explains. "It's Physics," she puts forth precisely.

Spencer gives her a judging glare before responding. "That's _all _you're basing it off of?" she asks skeptically.

"No. I've been watching him since your little midnight movie marathon with him. He's sort of hard to read—the mysterious type, for sure—but what he said last night just verifies that I was right. He is into you."

Spencer thinks it over for a moment. Even if he did, he has a girl friend, and she is _not _that type of person to disrespect that. _Sure_…there has been a time where she had played the mistress, but she learned her lesson. Besides, that was in high school. She's changed a lot since high school. She isn't sure if Hanna believes that, but Spencer knows it is true.

Even if he didn't have a girlfriend, she is _so _not the person for love triangles. The whole thing is exhausting. She doesn't want the drama.

And if there isn't already enough going against the prospect of her and Toby, he lives hours away. Then again, so does Alex.

"Maybe I should just ask him myself. See what he has to say," Spencer offers the idea.

"If you can _get _anything out of him," she responds irritably. "He wouldn't cough up anything else to me."

July 21, 2005

The next morning, as per usual, Spencer wakes up before the other two girls. She gets up to shower and get ready for the day, but spots Toby in the kitchen first. She wants to talk to him—see what he told Hanna. She isn't sure if she'll get another chance to be alone with him, so she should take the opportunity now. But her bladder and morning breath pull her towards the bathroom.

After she is done in the restroom, she goes up to him. She is determined to get this information out of him. Hanna gives up on things too easily. Spencer is stubborn. She was raised in a family of lawyers, she knows how to obtain the information she wants. She isn't proud of this, but some circumstances just require her to do things she doesn't want to do.

"Good morning," she greets the man who is now on the couch.

"Morning," he responds politely.

She goes to the kitchen and grabs an apple. A couple days ago, Spencer and Hanna had gone grocery shopping. Spencer got a variety of fruits, while Hanna got pop tarts and cheesy puffs.

She takes a seat on the chair diagonal from the couch, maneuvering her legs so they resemble a pretzel. She examines the apple closely, rotating it in her hands. Conversation, up to this point, has almost always been able to spur up between them, but right now it feels incredibly silent. She doesn't know how to ask him what she wants to know.

A few moments ago she was so sure she could get the information out of him, and now she has no idea where to even start.

"Looking for something on that apple?" he inspects jokingly.

She looks up, smiling at the joke and gratitude for the icebreaker. "I guess I'm just looking for some place to bite it."

"I don't think that's too hard. Usually _anywhere _works for me."

"I guess I'm just more high maintenance on my apple biting."

He grins at this, "I didn't think you could _be _high maintenance on apple biting."

"You learn new things every day, I suppose."

He chuckles at this.

She feels more relaxed now. There is less tension in the room. She feels more capable of asking the question she wants to ask.

"No. I lied. I'm not trying to find a place to bite into my apple."

"Oh really," he presents lightly, grinning.

"The truth is, I'm trying to find the words to ask you something," she tells him in hesitance.

"Just try your best," he encourages playfully. "As long as it's in English, I think I'll be able to get it."

She grins at this, but it fades as she delivers her question. "Well, it's just… Hanna told me that last night… you said something about Alex. She didn't really specify, but… she said you dislike him?"

"I figured that she'd tell you that."

"It wasn't easy…trust me," she drones. "She hardly said a sentence about it—and that's saying something. Once she rambled on about a pair of shoes for twenty minutes."

He chuckles at this, looking down a little. "Uh," he pauses before shaking his head. "I don't know—it's nothing, really."

"Well, _what _is nothing really?"

He puffs out his cheeks, blowing out some air. "We probably shouldn't talk about it…here. Alex is home, and—honestly, it's none of my business. I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry."

"But you _did_ say something," she rejects.

He stares at her for a long while before succumbing to her demand. "Fine…" he murmurs. "I'll tell you, but… I don't know, I could be wrong about him."

"Great," she smiles.

"But not here…" he states.

"Fine. We'll go get some coffee," Spencer suggests. She quickly follows that up with a slightly insecure, "if that's okay with you, I mean."

"Sure," he nods.

...

"Okay first things first, it's not like I'm going to be in some deep, meaningful relationship with this guy. Going on a few dates with him can't hurt," she tells him once they depart from the apartment and head to his truck. She doesn't know the town very well. Toby does. Obviously.

He scrunches up his face a little at this. "I—hmmm."

"What?"

He opens up the passenger seat for her, which she mumbles a quiet thanks to.

He gets in the truck from the other side, and then begins to answer her. "You should just know that he is… he falls easily."

"That, that doesn't seem like a reason to _dislike _someone."

"You aren't getting the point," he counters, staring at her instead of starting up the truck. "He doesn't know how to just… _date."_

_Fuck. _

"So… _shit," _she breathes to herself.

"Yeah…" he offers uneasily before starting up the car.

She mulls this over for a couple minutes.

She'll just have to let him down easy. Tell him _today. _Is she leading him on? Should she have told him from the start that this was just a short time thing? The whole thing is frustrating. She hates drama. She hates _break ups. _They went on _one _date. Kissed a few times, but whatever. She shouldn't have to _break up _with him, if that's even what you want to call it.

Maybe she _is_ just horrible.

She hopes Toby is wrong. Maybe he is. What does he know, really? How can you tell if someone has "fallen" for someone? You can't. Not really…

"How do you even know Alex has _fallen _for me?" she asks with aggravation. "I mean. It was one date," she adds in a more polite matter. He is trying to help her out. She shouldn't be rude to him.

"I'm not saying he has," Toby offers innocently. "I'm just saying… be _careful._"

"What does that mean? Be careful with, like, him? His… _heart_?" she implores, narrowing her eyes on Toby.

He waits a second to reply before letting out a conflicted, "both, I guess."

"Toby," she says, looking at him with hard eyes.

"Look, I shouldn't even be interfering with this. Usually I don't… I mean," he drags a hand across his face.

"What's happened in the past?"

"Just…things."

She gives him an annoyed look, cocking her head.

He looks over to her, "it's hard to explain when you don't know the whole story. Maybe Alex isn't as bad as I think."

"Well, I want to know what you think."

They pull into a coffee shop—the one Emily and Toby work at. Toby parks the truck before looking over to her. "Why do you even trust me?" he asks.

"What?"

"I mean, it's my word against him. You've known both of us for the same amount of time."

She considers this for a moment. Why _does _she have more trust in him? Toby could very well be lying. Emily seems to have nothing against Alex. Why does Toby? He could have some huge ulterior motive here, really. How is she supposed to know? Toby's right. She has known both of them for the same amount of time. Why does Toby have an advantage? Does he even? Maybe she will hear what he will have to say, and not believe him. But so far, she hasn't even thought twice about trusting his word. It's just something about him… something that makes it so impeccably easy to believe everything he has to say.

"Well, _technically_… I met you first."

He smiles slightly at this, "yeah, I'm sure that tiny fragment of time _totally _matters," he teases.

She sighs. "I don't know. I just do," she tells him truthfully, shrugging. "You seem very… genuine."

Something wavers in his expression that she can't quite muster. She bites her lip slightly, realizing this is the first time she's ever _truly _been alone with him. She has been before, but they were in the apartment. Someone else was always just in the other room.

She realizes they have staring at each other for a long time—at least it seems like a long time. She breaks eye contact, staring into the glove department.

"Want to get coffee?" he asks, nodding towards the shop. "And we can talk more about this?"

She nods briskly before heading out of the truck. They go in, place their coffee orders, and then find a seat. Conversation doesn't really spark between them again until they are sitting down.

"So, anyway," she takes a sip of her coffee. "What's happened in the past?" she prompts.

"Okay, so," he clears his throat. "There was this girl, Samatha, about three months ago. I'm not exactly sure if they were official, they were at least to him, but I have grown to realize that sometimes it's just a one sided thing."

He pauses.

"Anyway, she was around for about three weeks… and then just gone…" he claims. "He said they were still together, but she would never come over. I thought, whatever, maybe they just don't want to hangout at the apartment anymore. But then she comes in here, the coffee shop, one day, all pissed and emotionally charged, yelling at me to tell Alex to stay the fuck away from her, or else she'll call the cops. She looked…scared, almost."

"That's… abnormal," she deems fretfully.

"I knew Alex could be weird with girls and relationships, but I never thought that he'd ever spark of a reaction like _that. _So, I thought that maybe the girl was just crazy. I mean, by that point, I had been living with Alex for a little over a half of year… I feel like I would have noticed if he was…violent, or anything."

Spencer nods, squinting her perplexed eyes.

"But then I started noticing how obsessive he truly is… and I don't know, I just… I don't get a good vibe from the guy. I was hoping by the end of the summer he'd be gone… but it's been complicated. How do you _really _kick someone out? Sure, I put the lease on the apartment, but at this point it's just as much as his as it is mine…" he shakes his head. "I guess I'm just waiting for the next… blow out."

"So you _really _don't trust him?" she asks.

"I just, I don't think he's the best guy to engage with."

"Why doesn't Emily think this too?"

"She thinks the girl is crazy. Emily likes seeing the best in her friends, people she knows..."

"I'll drink to that," Spencer jokingly mumbles under her breath.

"And usually I do too, which is why I think it took me so long to notice."

"Well, I'm _pretty _cynical myself, so don't you think _I _would have noticed?"

He sighs, shaking his head. "You've known him for a week. He's a pretty good charmer. That's how he got his spot in the apartment."

Spencer purses her lips, thinking it over. She just wishes Toby could just be wrong. If Toby's wrong, then it will all just be fine. She won't have to worry about it. But she can't help but believe him. In her gut, she believes him.

She scratches her neck, "I don't—I don't know, I'll talk to him. It'll be okay."

"I hope that's true. Seriously, I hope I'm wrong," he offers sincerely, taking a sip of his coffee.

* * *

a/n: leave a review, please ? ;)


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **i suck. I suck! I SUCK. I'm so sorry. I'm two days late. Like. I think you should just expect me to start updating now 1 week + a day because I sense a pattern... but yeah, honestly I suck. I guess I'm going to start updating on Tuesdays now. OK? Is that OK? Sigh. Sorry I've just been super busy! :(

Thanks soooo so much for the reviews. I'm so happy you are enjoying this! :) Hope you like this chapter... things are beginning to get intense ;) ! This one is pretty short. I suck. Also I think I might have 2 flashback chapters in a row because as I said, that part is taking longer to get the story across? And yeah. LOL. But... yeah. Hope you enjoy this! I love you guys. Thanks for being patient.

* * *

**Chapter 9**

**October 22, 2013**

After telling Holbrook about Alex, she starts to fret. What if Alex is completely innocent? It's been so long. The possibility that he has even _thought_ about Toby or herself in a recent time interval seems somewhat farfetched. But she figures it is better to tell than to not tell. Alex definitely knows how to hold a grudge. He had proven that to her. Maybe that grudge has lasted all the way till now…

She tries to not feel guilty about it. The only reason she had mentioned to him to Holbrook in the first place was because of his malice actions.

Besides, she doesn't really have room for anymore guilt. She already feels guilty enough over this whole situation.

It leads back to her. She made him go pick up the Chinese food. She made a stupid bet, and made him get their take out order. It was such a trivial action, but now it seems so immense. It was the origin for all the chaotic events that had not come to play. Without that tiny, little moment, maybe Toby would still be with her.

It's a little past 8. She would have just departed from him. The smell of his aftershave and warm presence would still linger in her presence. The taste of his mouth, wet with coffee and toothpaste would still loiter on her taste buds. The essence of _him _would still be here.

Now, she feels completely lost from him. He feels worlds away, lost in the galaxy, hidden by the stars; a million asteroids colliding and surfing between them. This is the longest distance she has ever felt. Between anyone. She had thought she had reached her limit for missing someone, but she was wrong. Right now, she has discovered a whole new level of missing him.

She _longs_ for him. She _thrives_ for him. She _begs_ for him. She would do _anything_ to see him—to talk to him.

And in that moment, she knows she has to confess her secret to the police.

She isn't sure it's the right decision. In fact, she is _sure _it will lead to a disaster. Confessing this… it will take away everything she has left. But she doesn't really have anything at all. Not without him. If she needs to lose everything to gain her everything back, she will. She will gamble everything to get him back. Because it's Toby. He's _her _Toby. He's the person she would die for.

…

_"Love is sacrifice. I've never understood that. Not until you. You made it so easy for me to understand. Seeing you happy, seeing you healthy and safe—that's what is most important to me. I don't care about myself when I'm with you. You make me selfless. You make me a better person, and I will try to be my best self for you because I love you. Love is sacrifice, and I would sacrifice everything for you."_

_He gleams at her, his beaming blue eyes laminating with radiance and joy. She hopes to see this expression from him every day until her last breath. If not this expression, than just him. Just seeing him is enough. _

_The priest says some words that Spencer can't fully understand, or focus on. All she can focus on is the man in front of her. The man of her dreams. The love of her life. _

_Suddenly Toby is saying I do, and without even listening to what the priest is saying, Spencer says the two simple words too. The two little words that hold so much meaning in such little capacity. _

_Spencer lunges forward, throwing her whole entire body into the man whom possesses her heart. Her lips run into his eagerly—desperately. A force stronger than gravity itself pushes them together, as if the universe had intended for their bodies to be one. Not that she believes in soul mates or anything. _

_Because if soul mates were a thing, well, then she wouldn't **truly **love him. No, she would have been **designed **to love him. Finding someone and **falling **for them, not by destiny or fate, or anything else, that's true love. That is the love she has with Toby. She loves him freely. There is nothing that binds her to him, besides the strings of her heart._

…

"You can't tell them that, Spencer," Hanna objects. "Stop," she grabs onto her arm, coiling her fingers around her friend's wrist tightly. "You aren't thinking about what you're doing." The blonde grits this through her teeth, her sapphire eyes deadly. "You know what will happen if you tell the police."

Spencer shakes her head, "I don't care." She states firmly. "I didn't come here to get your permission," she yanks her arm away from the blonde.

"You'll lose everything!" Hanna exasperates franticly, desperate to convince her friend.

"I already have!" Spencer back fires hysterically. Her anger melts slightly away after saying these words allowed. Her fury decreases, only to bring out her despair. She doesn't see Hanna anymore. Instead she sees Toby, alone in a basement, locked up and dehydrated, awaiting his death. She repeats herself in a hoarse whisper, "I already have."

"Spencer," the blonde sighs pityingly, feeling inadequate. "C'mon don't… don't be like that. You—you haven't. You still have us; Emily, Aria, Caleb—we are all here for you. We're all right here," she tries. "I know that we aren't who you really want, but you do _have _us, Spence. You aren't alone," she promises.

Spencer doesn't look at her. She can't bear looking at her friend when she feels so barren. She feels so extraordinarily broken. It seems hopeless to try to find anything that can put her back together. Anything but Toby that is…

Toby is the victim, the one needing of a hero, but yet she feels as if she is playing the role of damsel in duress. She hates that. She despises the role of the victim. That's not who she is. She needs to find him. She needs to stop sulking, and find him—do everything in her power and control to find him.

She keeps telling herself this, but she feels so worn out. So exhausted and empty. And It hasn't even been twenty four eyes.

Hanna gradually, almost cautiously wraps her arms around the brunette. Spencer doesn't make an effort to reciprocate, but she doesn't move away either.

"You should get some sleep," Hanna says, stroking a few of her chestnut strands. "Maybe take a shower too. You will feel better."

"I can't sleep."

"You should try," Hanna says in a motherly tone, still stroking the brunette's hair. "Come on, I'll go with you."

Spencer goes to the bedroom with Hanna reluctantly. She feels so entirely drained, but yet awake. Her mind is throbbing with anxiety and worry, creating room for nothing else. She won't be able to sleep. She knows that.

"I'll just take a shower," Spencer tells her friend. "Really… I just… I can't sleep. Not right now."

Hanna nods, her lips sealed together.

"I just… I don't have any clothes."

"I'll get you some," Hanna states. "You can borrow some of mine, or I can run by your house? If you give me the keys?"

"You don't have to do that…" Spencer states hesitantly.

"Come on, just hand over the keys," Hanna makes an effort to smile, putting out the palm of her hand, and waiting for the keys.

Spencer sputters out a sort of thankful smile before saying, "okay."

Spencer fetches her keys for Hanna, but is reluctant to give them to her. She stares at the keys, moving them between her fingers. After a minute of nothing, she says, "this…I-," she sighs, looking up at Hanna. "Can you get a shirt of Toby's for me?" she asks finally, the words soft and barely spoken.

"Of course," Hanna relies easily. She embraces her friend, "of course," she repeats.

_…_

_"You know that's my shirt, right?" he teases, his voice hoarse and thick with yearning. He trails his fingers down her side, his fingers curling at her hip. The fabric scrunches up in his grip, hitching up and revealing more of her leg._

_She giggles slightly at this, almost resembling a purr. She places her hand to his chest, smiling mischievously. Her copper eyes glisten and sparkle as they settle upon his blue orbs. "If you want it back, then go ahead and take it," she sultry flirts, leaning close to him, her eyes steady._

_He smirks, staring at her with an intense gaze. He attaches his other hand to her waist before brushing his lips over hers, then to her collarbone. "I might have to…" he murmurs against the warmth of her skin._

_…_

Spencer scrubs her skin roughly, trying to erase every burden off of her. She knows it is impossible. Soap and water aren't going to solve her problems. No matter how hard she scrubs, she will still be a mess. She could scrub so hard that she would reach the bone, and would still be in dying need of a cleanup. She is a complete mess. A huge mess that not even the strongest of soaps can fix.

But she scrubs anyways. Because like Hanna said, it somehow helps. Not a lot. Not even a fraction. But it does in a way.

She thinks about confessing to the police again. What if it somehow fixes things? She knows it is a slim chance. She would be betting _a lot _by coming clean. But Toby is worth the gamble. He is worth everything.

She decides that if nothing comes about by tomorrow, she will tell the police. She doesn't care what Hanna has to say about it. She will do what she has to do in order to keep Toby safe.

When she comes out of the shower, Hanna is back with her clothes, and also a certain couple. Aria and Ezra. Ezra is Aria's fiancé. They've been engaged for almost a year now, and haven't really moved much in the engagement. They don't even have a date yet. Or cake flavor. Or catering. Or anything, really.

Ezra has always been kind of distant from the group. Spencer has always assumed it was because Ezra was older. Seven years. He's almost forty, while they are barely thirty. He has his own group of friends, and Aria isn't exactly pushing him to connect with hers.

Although when Ezra _is _around, Spencer always enjoyed talking to him. They have a lot in common. They both come from wealthy, prestigious families they despise. They both love reading classics. Toby gets along well with Ezra too.

Ezra embraces Spencer upon seeing her. He shoots out a hundred apologies. About what happened to Toby. About what must she must be feeling. About how he wishes he was around last night to help out.

He was at a meeting, apparently, in a couple towns over.

Spencer doesn't really mind that he wasn't there last night. In fact, she is actually thankful. It's one less person who witnessed her mental breakdown.

Aria hugs her next, holding her tightly. Aria always gives good hugs. There is something nurturing about them. She has always given her a motherly vibe with everything she does.

Spencer explains to her friends the updates on Toby, going into detail upon detail of what's going on with the investigation. They both stare at her with all their attention, sending worried glances every now and then to each other.

"This whole situation… it's so horrible," Ezra voices, distraught. He looks away, "I can't ever imagine someone doing that to him."

Spencer nods. "It's… it's really hard," her voice strains.

Aria puts a hand over Spencer's, offering a tender smile. "It will be okay. It will. He'll come back, Spence. He always does."

It's true. Whenever Toby departs from her, he returns. But this time it is different. In those times where she has lost Toby, he had not been taken from her. Instead he had fled from her all on his own. It was his choice. This wasn't. He doesn't get to choose to come back to her. If he could, she knows he would already be back.

She doesn't say anything back, she just swallows hardly instead.

They stay at Hanna's house for awhile, just in silence. No one knows what so say. No one knows what to do. There is nothing really to be said.

After about an hour and half, Spencer gets a call from Holbrook. She goes to the other room to answer. For whatever reason, she feels like she needs to discuss matters with him in private.

"Hello?" she answers frantically.

"Hi," he greets shyly.

"What is it? What did you find?"

"Nothing, but… look, Jenna. She's got a really solid alibi. It's not her."

Spencer's heart drops. If it is not Jenna, then who could it be?

"But… but you said it could be two people. She could still be in on it!"

"As for right now, that is only a theory. Currently she isn't at the top of our suspect list."

"Well, who is then?" she demands.

"I'm going to meet Alex right now…" he states. "We'll see from there."

Spencer wants to confess everything right now. She wants to so bad, but she doesn't have the courage. Damn it. She's selfish.

"Ooh, okay."

"I'll call you afterwards, Spencer."

Spencer sighs before saying goodbye.

She desperately wishes for this to just end. How she wishes she could just go back...

* * *

**A/N: **;) What's Spencer's secret? HEH.

Also, I bet you thought you'd find out about Alex! Well. Too bad. You have to find out through the flashbacks. Heh. (Which is why I'm behind on those... sigh)

Leave a review, please? (Even though I'm not only late, but this is wayyyyyy short.)


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